Our Journey to Kyra Nicole

New Blog

2009-08-31T13:43:00.000-07:00

We have started a new blog:

http://www.familyredefined.blogspot.com

You can click on the link above, or click on the title "New Blog" and you will be redirected to our new site!

In Christ,
Charity

Secret Revealed

2009-08-30T15:27:00.000-07:00

I have announced that I have a secret. I guess it is time to share. I am not one for keeping secrets real long... especially if it is a GOOD secret! This one is definitely a GOOD secret. I've decided it is time to redesign my blog. Is that the huge secret? What if I said it was... ? That would be kinda disappointing, huh? Not a real big secret either, and when it comes right down to it... Who really cares what my blog looks like? Probabaly not a whole heck of a lot of people. But what if I said I needed to redesign, even rename our blog, because we have decided to embark on a NEW Journey? Well, we have. We have decided to embark on a new journey, that will take us to a part of the world we have never been before, and a journey that will hopefully take us to the arms of a little girl who needs a family.

After much consideration, Tim and I have decided to go down the adoption road once again. This time however, we are headed to Ethiopia. Not a country I originally thought of adopting from, but not a country I had discounted either... it was more of a country not considered previously.

Now, here is a little bit about myself. Take a look at our blog pictures. Take a look at the kids. Two caucasian parents, two asian children. I kind of had a preconceived notion with regard to what our next child should look like. I know, I know... it sounds a bit shallow. None of us can determine what our children are going to look like, even our biological ones. Heck, if you had to decide which one of my children was my biological child, you would have one heck of a time choosing, or more likely you would pick c) None of the above. Well, one of them is my biological children. Just because you are genetically connected to someone, doesn't mean you have to look a THING like them. Ok, I'll give it away, if you don't already know, Cameron is the bio child. The only thing that we have in common, is that he has my crooked pinkie fingers. Wow! Lucky him! He got those crooked fingers from me!

So, I had to get rid of some of my preconceived notions. That took some time. Then I had to get rid of some worry and fear. That took a little more time. And then I had to ask my husband if he would be alright #1 starting the adoption process all over again, and #2 if we could adopt from Ethiopia. I truly believe Ethiopia is where God wanted us to go from the very beginning. Every attempt we made to start the adoption process over again, Ethiopia popped into my head. I quickly dismissed it, based on geographical location. My child wasn't from Ethiopia, because my child was asian. This time though, I simply considered all of the options. I researched. I discussed with Tim what our options were. We both stood firmly on Ethiopia. THAT is where our daughter is.

So, why the secret? Well, Tim and I have been through a lot in terms of an adoption journey. First it was Vietnam and that didn't work out. Then it was Kyrgyzstan, and that didn't work out. That is a very long, painful process. Friends would ask us how the adoption was going, and we would have to answer in disappointment that it wasn't going anywhere, but try to find some hint of hopeful anticipation in our voice (because you never know when someone is asking you about your adoption, because they are interested in adoption themselves). I never wanted to discourage anyone, so I would find a way to find something positive to say. Frankly, I got tired of trying to find the positive in a situation that I didn't find too much positive in.

So, this time I thought we should just keep it to ourselves. When things started happening, THEN we could share. Well, I just couldn't do that. I had to tell a few close friends of our plans, because we were using them as references. Then, me and my "non secret keeping self" decided that in order to let out a seed of my excitement, I would not tell my secret, but I would tell the world that I had a secret. Well, that was one foot in the door. The rest is history. I had to tell!

This time it seems different though. In our other two adoption attempts, I never prepared anything. I never got anything ready, even though for both of them we had either just submitted or were about to submit our dossier. Normally I would have done a lot of preparations by that point in time. I did nothing. This time I am confident though... so confident that even though our application just went to a new agency, and our first homestudy has not even been scheduled - I actually painted our daughter's room this weekend. I looked for furniture for her new room. We picked out her name!

Her room is awesome. It is "fresh guacamole". It is a beautiful color for a little girl's room. I freshly painted all of the trim and now the fresh white stands out beautifully against the fresh guacamole walls. I sat in the center of it, wondering what it will be like with her in it. As for her name - we have decided on Sara Joy. We have requested a little girl 9 - 30 months. It's fun imagining what she will be like. How old will she be? Will she be walking? Will she be talking?

Another reason we had to start telling people... is because Anna is extremely excited about the idea of a sister and is telling everyone she sees. Yesterday she got her hair cut and she told the lady who was cutting her hair. She told her teacher. People start giving us strange looks when our six year old tells them that we are going to go get another little girl from somewhere. Saying "ssshhh, it's a secret, would probably make it seem even more strange!". So, there is is.

I'm the queen of preparing adoption paperwork, so it will probably all take place on our end very quickly. I'll keep track of the timeline.

So, soon I will have a link up to a new blog. I'll keep this one as some other life events unfolded on this blog, but the new one will be the one maintained. I'm working on a name for it right now..... It'll be up and running soon.

So, if you are a praying type of person, please pray for Tim and I as we go through this process again. Pray for our Sara Joy - wherever she may be, that she be safe and healthy until we can come and bring her home.

In Christ,
Charity

Secrets

2009-08-21T13:34:00.000-07:00

Secret, secret... I've got a secret!

Wanna know what it is?

I bet you do! It is something fun and exciting, wonderful and amazing, perfect and beautiful. It is so far away from me that I can hardly reach or imagine it... yet it is so close I can feel it. Do you want to know what it is???? You will have to stay tuned for the big news!

My heart is full though! Full of anticipation in waiting to tell you. Full of excitement in allowing you to share in my joy with me. Full of wonder in how things will unfold. Full of faith... not knowing, but leaving it all in God's hands. My heart is truly full!

While I'm waiting to share, I'll think about some other things... like the fact that I have a bedroom that I need to paint and I'm not sure what color to paint it. Probably a neutral tan. I'm going to buy a new bedspread set for our room and move our stuff upstairs to make one of the rooms look more like a guest bedroom. I'll think about all the work that needs to be done in the yard... I've kind of let the flowers take care of themselves this summer and they don't really like to do that. They are growing great... but so are the weeds :) Definitely need to get that taken care of.

Tim and I are doing some "remodeling" minor projects around the house. I need to pick out some new light fixtures for in the upstairs hallway. I need to buy picture frames. I need to prod Tim to decide what we are going to do about redoing our deck and decide when we are going to do it. I need to pick out a new ceiling fan for in the den - oh yeah, and a light for the office. Sooooo much fun! I'm not one to spend money, so planning on spending all of this money kind of irks me, but it needs to be done. I need to bite the bullet and just do it. We are very conservative with our finances, so doing this every once in awhile is ok.

So, what are we doing all of our remodeling projects for? Well, truthfully, we are not sure. We are kicking around the idea of selling the house and buying some property and building a new home. That way, we could make the house exactly what we want and need. So, for right now, we are just doing the "minor" fixes that will either get the house ready to sell, or will just be things that we don't need to do later if we decided to stay here. We need to remodel the kitchen, but we will definitely decided what road we are taking before we take on a task like that. If we decide to remodel the kitchen, it will be because we are staying here. If not, we will just do some minor things and make it more desirable to sell. We'll see. That is one decision that I guess needs to be made. If we do decide to sell, we will sell this house, probably try to find a rental or a large condo until we can build our new home. Lots of things to work out, but I'm sure we could make it all work. God is in control!

What else do I need to do this weekend? Well, I could tell you, but that might ruin the surprise :) I do need to plan a birthday party for my sweet babydoll Anna. She is going to be turning six soon and we need to find just the right party supplies to make it special for her. Not sure if we will do a party with a few friends from school, or if we will just have family over. Hhhmmm... She will definitely take treats to school to celebrate with her class.

Next week Cameron will start football games. I can't wait to see my little boy play! That will keep me busy until I can unveil the big surprise! Anna will have cheerleading every weekend, so that will keep us busy as well! Fall is so much fun.

Well, I hope to be able to share our little secret soon! Until then, I guess you can just keep guessing!

Beach Fun

2009-08-18T16:49:00.001-07:00

Ok, so the kids had their first full day of school today. All went well! Not too much interesting to report on, so I decided now would be a good time to share some of the beach safari pictures.

First, here is a picture of Anna with her "beach braids". They looked really cute on her!

Here is a picture of me and the kids before the safari.

And it's not often that Tim and I are in a picture together (because one of us is usually taking it!!), but Cameron decided to take a picture of us. Here it is!

While we were on the Safari, we happened upon this bird's nest. I asked the guide about it, and he said that it weighed as much as 120 pounds. Imagine that! That is HUGE!!!
Finally, I think this picture is beautiful. We were in the jeep, and came around the corner, through some brush, and there stood this horse. Isn't it beautiful standing in the water. It was great to see them out in nature, wandering free. I have some more pictures to share, but they have been taking forever to load onto the web page, so I decided I would share more tomorrow.

I need another vacation with my family! I so enjoyed it!

In Christian Love,

Charity

Back to school

2009-08-17T14:04:00.000-07:00

So, after my post yesterday, I decided to hit the back to school post today. The kids did actually go back to school today. It was their first day, and they only had orientation and about an hour with the teacher, and then they were dismissed to go home. Tomorrow will be their first actual full day of school.

Here is Anna with her dad before school. Isn't she cute with the little uniform skirt and knee socks? I don't particularly like the shoes, but they are comfortable for her and she has cute ones for chapel day.

Anna started 5K. She has a wonderful teacher who I think Anna will really like, and who will be really good for Anna. I can't wait to see the progress Anna makes in 5K. It will be a challenge for Anna to sit still and learn for an entire day, but I guess in 5K they still have time to play and do things like that... things that do not require so much focused attention. Anna is a very smart little girl, and if she applies herself, she learns quickly and will do remarkably well. Anna is however a bit of a wiggle worm. She likes to be active.... she likes to be moving. She has her first project due in a week. She has to put pictures of her favorite things on a poster board and then go up in front of the class and talk about them. I wish I could be there to see her do it!!! So, as we were waiting for Cameron's orientation to start, I asked her what some of her favorite things were - she said "Mrs. Miles". Mrs. Miles will be very pleased, however, Mrs. Miles is NOT her teacher! I hope Mrs. Langnecker (her teacher) is not offended :) Anna had Mrs. Miles for childcare over the summer and she is a 4K teacher as well. I asked her what else she would put on her picture board, and she said the picture of us parasailing, the color blue, Pearl, Me, he Daddy (I asked about her brother and she said yes, but she had to be prodded). She said she wanted to put a picture of everything in her lunch box (peanut butter sandwich, chips, cupcake, juice box). She should have about a million pocket books on there, because she LOVES pocket books (and stashing things in them that are not hers....). Anyway, it should be an interesting project, and it will be fun to see what else ends up on there.

Here is Cameron before school. What a handsome young man. He is at that stage though where he does not want to get his picture taken. I was lucky that I got this one. I told him if he looked silly, it would be all over my blog. Way to threaten a kid with public humiliation!

Cameron got Mrs. Matthews this year. She is a wonderful Christian lady who has been teaching at the school for about 30 years. She is great! She is in the church choir and has vocal cords that ROCK!!! She can belt out a tune, that's for sure! I was told that she sometimes sings in class. I told that to Cameron and he said "SHE DOES!!!". I guess she sang to them today! I think it is great. Cameron rolled his eyes. She sang a poem.... he said "Who sings a POEM". I explained to him that most songs are poems and he denied it and said you are not supposed to SING a poem. He is really going to like having Mrs. Matthews. Actually, he has both of the 5th grade teachers - Mrs. McArthur is just as wonderful... she does not sing in class though. The 5th graders spend 1/2 of their day in each classroom, but have a homeroom teacher.

It should be a fun year! I can't wait for Cameron's first football game, and Anna's first cheerleading show. She does Cheerleading for the Upward team at church. Cameron is actually playing football for the school. I think his first game is next week. I really can't wait to see him play! I'm one of those moms who really gets into the game. I don't just root for my kid, I root for the team, but you can definitely hear me cheering them on. I cheer for the other team as well - just nowhere near as loudly. I don't scream at my kid from the sideline, and I support the coaches and the refs... I just really like to support the team... Good or bad. This will be Cameron's first year of tackle football, so I'm not sure how I will like that. I will probably have to cover my eyes a lot of the time - but it will be fine! it will be fun!

Ok, so this last picture has absolutely nothing to do with back to school, but it was on the camera memory card from our vacation and when I was downloading the school pictures I saw it and decided to post it. It is a good family picture. I need to get all of the other pictures from the beach safari off of there and share some of them. I have some of wild horses that are awesome. Anyway, here is our family in front of the Maritime forest. We really did have a good time that day...you will have to excuse my hair... it looks like some funky bird tail or something sticking up in the back... but it was a bit windy there, and remember my vow not to do my hair while on vacation. Well, I stuck to it. That's what happens! Still a nice picture though!

Here's to another year of learning, another year of loving the Lord, another year of learning about Jesus! Another year of making friends and making memories - together as a family.

Love,

Charity

Cambodia

2009-08-16T17:21:00.000-07:00

I was writing a meaningless blog on everything dealing with back to school... in the background, on the computer, I had turned on Dateline and minimized it. It was a program called "Children for Sale" and was in regard to the children of a particular village in Cambodia that were very small and being sold for sex. I clicked over, watched a segment, and erased my previous blog. Back to school was nowhere near as important as what my heart had to write now.

I have always been drawn to the children of Cambodia. I'm not sure why, but the children of China, Vietnam, Korea and Cambodia have always touched my heart. I'm not sure why... don't really care. They have just always touched my heart. When I adopted from China, it was a dream come true. It was one child. One little girl who got to have a home. Two years ago, Tim and I tried to adopt from Vietnam, and then it closed. I then learned about Kyrgyzstan - we tried to adopt from there as well.. in fact, that is when we started this blog. That didn't happen. We kind of put the adoption dreams on hold. Cambodia was always a country that I researched though.... it was never open.

Recently, I had it in my heart (as if it ever left) to prod Tim about the adoption again. I asked him if Cambodia opened, if we could adopt from Cambodia. He said yes, that he would love to try to adopt again. I had gotten an e-mail regarding information related to the possible opening of Cambodia for international adoption. My heart jumped. This could be our chance! I contacted an agency currently doing humanitarian work in Cambodia. Unfortunately, it seems as though opening of Cambodia to international adoption will take quite some time.

As I was typing my "back to school" blog though, the story caught my attention. It was sickening. I watched the faces of these poor, beautiful little girls, some as young as 5.... yes, I said 5, who were being sold for sex. It made my stomach churn. I guess because I could see the face of my daughter in them. My daughter is 5. I would have given anything to reach through the screen and comfort some of these little children who were being treated in such a disgusting way. One of the little girls was crying unconsolably - she said she had no mother, that she had died. It would only be one child, but I wish I could bring one of those children home. Home to a family who would love her. Home to a mother, father, brother and sister... maybe some day.

My heart breaks for these children. My children are in a nice home, with nice clothing, with food on the table, with a mom and dad to tuck them in at night, with a yard to play in and a school to go to. Some of these little girls were sold into slavery by their own parents. The thought of that just kills me.

If you saw the Dateline special, you likely have the same pit in your stomach that I do. If you are a mom, then you definitely have the same pit in your stomach that I do. If you are an adoptive mom you are wondering how you can get your hands, heart and love on one of these little girls. You wonder what it would take to bring one of them home to live a normal child's life. You wonder how much money it would take to bring just one child home - and you don't care how much that amount is. You wonder what it would take to be allowed to tuck one of those little girls into a warm bed and make them feel safe. If you are like me, you would do anything to see that happen.

Someday, maybe soon, maybe Cambodia will open again to international adoptions. If that happens, I hope when I ask my husband again, if he would consider adopting a little girl from Cambodia, I hope his answer again will be yes. I know that Cambodia is not the only place that this terrible thing happens. Heck, I know that it likely happens right here in the US - I just though it strange that the special was on, when only last week I was hoping against hope that I could find my next child from Cambodia. (There is still hope).

So, tomorrow morning my kids go back to school. My days from tomorrow on will be filled with homework, football practices, football games, cheerleading practices and all of the other normal things that come with fall and back to school - those will be my days. My heart will be filled with pictures of the little girls who currently don't have a chance... who need a home and a family. When I close my eyes at night, pictures of these little girls' faces will haunt me. Hopefully someday, back to school will mean sending one of those little girls off to school with my two other children....imagine getting her ready to school in a brand new, neatly pressed uniform - to go to a school that will teach her about the love of Jesus - with a pretty ribbon tied around a black-haired braid.

Some day....

In Christian Love,
Charity

Funny Story

2009-08-08T13:37:00.000-07:00

Well, the Lord looked over us, and we made it home safely this afternoon. We are still unpacking, but I had to jump on real quick and tell a sort of funny story...

Have I ever told you that my Anna is a pack rat? Well, she is. She keeps every scrap of paper and fills purses full of them. Her pockets constantly contain neatly folded up pictures, little pretend notes, cards etc... all folded up and stuffed into her pockets. It's not just paper though. It's every single little tid bit thing that she can get her hands on. Fake watches, cheap sunglasses, little clips that are her "keys", pretend makeup. I know having possessions is normal, but Anna really does go over board. She collects and carries around EVERYTHING. McDonald's toys, trading cards, scraps of paper, receipts - you name it, and she will pack it. Well, last night as we were packing up the house, getting ready to leave the Outer Banks this morning, we got all of the kids' things ready and just left them out clothes to wear home today. We left the suitcases in their room and packed them up this morning.

When we got home today, Tim and I unpacked the truck and decided that we were not going to quit unpacking until we got everything put away and back in order. Well, Tim started unpacking Anna's bag and came out of the bedroom....Anna had packed in her suitcase, after we had packed it and set it aside, the sheets to her bed at the OBX house. Then after Tim came out of the room with one neatly rolled set, he says from the room "Oh, you are kidding me". Anna had apparently packed two sets of sheets in her bag to bring home.

I'm guessing we will see a nice little charge on the credit card for those. :) Oh the joys of living with a pack rat!!!

Love,
Charity

The Safari Rules!!!

2009-08-07T10:14:00.000-07:00

We are back for lunch and some afternoon time in the pool before we have to pack up and leave tomorrow. As I said before, I'm not really ready to go home, but the time has come..... Anyway, as the family is finishing up lunch, I had time to write a short blog about our adventure this morning. If you ever make it to the Outer Banks, I HIGHLY recommend the Corolla Outback Adventure tour. Our guide's name was Tim (one time when I said Tim, they both answered :) and he was a great guide. I can't download the pictures right now, because they are on the digital camera and I did not bring the connection to download them. Anyway, when you see the pictures, you will know why our trip was so great!

We traveled down Highway 12 - which isn't a highway, but is actually the beach! But it actually is a highway. The sheriff was out there moving people off of the highway. If they don't move, or they interrupt the flow of traffic, they can be fined up to $1000.00. For those of us who don't know what part is the highway, they will tell you, but if you are rude about it... that is when you will get fined.

Anyway, so we took off down the highway and then traveled off into the dunes. We then went into the reserve area. We were in a open jeep just the four of us and the guide. We got a lot of rain yesterday (which is why we did not get to make this trip yesterday) and the jeep was up to the floorboards in water at times. The guide was great though and pressed on. He made sure we were safe, but took us everywhere he wanted to take us as well! Anna was a bit of a daredevil and kept asking him to go faster. He did at times, and she squeeled with delight. He said we had a Danica Patrick on our hands.... let's hope not!

We stopped several times for pictures. It was great! We went over the dunes - one called rollercoaster hill which Cameron and Anna absolutely loved. We traveled the dunes awhile, went through a housing area, and right there at the base of the house were two wild horses. It was so awesome! We stopped and took some pictures of those. Then we went into this swamp area, which I didn't think we would make it through, but we did, and came around a corner and saw a bunch of wild horses. It was great. We got fairly close to a couple of them as we were making our way through the river. I got some awesome pictures of them. Some of them had birds on their back, and we even saw a baby lying in the grass. The noise of the truck scared it and it stood up and I got a picture of it as well. The kids really loved the adventure! We were in the jeep for about 2 hours. It was well worth every penny we spent on it!

I can't wait to get back to the house and download some of the pictures and share them!

Anyway, we are now off to the pool! Tomorrow morning we have to leave..... bummer! Back to the daily grind!

Stay tuned for pictures!

Charity

Beach Safari

2009-08-07T05:46:00.000-07:00

Well, we were supposed to do the beach safari yesterday and we were going to try to do a dolphin watch tour today, but the safari got rained out yesterday. We went there yesterday afternoon, and when we got there, it was fairly sunny. About 15 minutes before we were supposed to leave, the guide came out and said that there was a storm brewing, but that he looked at the radar, and it should blow over in about 20 minutes. So, they asked us to wait... which I guess was good, because I would hate to get out onto the beach in the middle of a storm. So, the storm came.... and it didn't leave. We were scheduled to be out on the beach tour at about 1:00. At 4:00, it was still raining. So, we rescheduled for today.

On the beach safari, you will see wild horses and other wildlife. Ok, not that I think this is great or anything, and it had nothing to do with the fact that we booked the safari, but if you watch Jon and Kate Plus 8 (can they really still call it that anymore) - this is the tour that they took where they got to go out on the beach and see the wiild horses and things like that. I guess the difference is.... we don't get to do it for free!!! Anyway, if you saw that episode (which I don't recommend - I can't stand that show anymore), that is where we will be later this morning. I really wanted to get Cameron and Anna out on the boat for the dolphin sightings, but it just couldn't happen. We were going to have to drive quite a distance for that tour, so we just decided to do something closer to the house and then after the safari, hang out here with the kids at the pool. They have LOVED the pool and will really enjoy their day today.

Tomorrow we have to pack up and head home. I am definitely not ready for vacation to be over. I need more vacation. I need more time in the sun, and I need more relaxed time with my family.

Well, I will leave you with a few pictures of parasailing.

Ok, it does not appear as though Anna is enjoying this... and at this point she is not, but soon she does!

At this point, she's actually enjoying it. Actually, we all are. Cameron loved it from the very beginning!

This is after we were all done. Look at the smiles! They both loved it and wanted to go again!!!

Leaving for home soon and not looking forward to it!!!!

Charity

OBX

2009-08-04T10:03:00.000-07:00

Well, we made it to the Outer Banks. The house we are renting is really nice and the kids are loving it. Even though we are right near the ocean, the kids have LIVED in the pool. I will never get a rental house again, without a pool. It has been a HUGE source of entertainment for the children.

So, we hit the road first thing Saturday morning and made it here without an issue. The kids were really good in the car... even during the one hour right on the islands where it took us an hour to go about 8 miles. It was terrible, but we made it here safely, and that is all that matters! Right away when we got here, the kids jumped in the pool. Normally, I would not jump in with them because I would know that we had to run to the store soon and get groceries and things like that and would not want to look a mess. I had made myself (and the blog world) a promise though, that this vacation I was not going to worry about things like that, and would just enjoy the time with my children. I wondered how that would actually work out for me though... if I would really be able to do that or not. But, contrary to my natural instinct, I jumped into the pool. The amazing thing is that I have not done my hair or makeup a day since we have been here. Now don't get me wrong, I have not thrown personal hygiene out the window, I still get showered and things like that, but I just throw my hair up in a clip and forget the makeup. It has been GREAT!!!

Tim had to head back to SC on Sunday.... I'm not sure if I mentioned that or not previously, but as Tim is nearing the end of a very large project, some things happened at work that necessitated him heading back to work for Monday and Tuesday. He will be driving back here tomorrow to spend the rest of the vacation with us though.

Sunday we just hung out by the pool and relaxed. We took a walk on the beach and stuff like that. We just kind of used the time to get our bearings. Sunday afternoon Tim drove back home so he could be there Monday and Tuesday. Monday the kids and I looked through some brochures and tried to decide on some things to do that we would remember from our vacation. We first thought we would go hang gliding off of the dunes..... well, after reading more about it, and happening across an add for parasailing from the same company, we decided to go parasailing instead. I made our reservations for Monday afternoon and at 2:00 Monday afternoon the kids and I boarded a boat and traveled as a trio nine hundred feet into the air. You could see forever!!! Anna was a bit nervous at first, but then once we got up there, and after she said "I want Pearl" and I told her that Pearl was not there, and then when she asked if God was still watching over her and I told her yes, well then she was ok. She said "I'm not really having a LOT Of fun, but I'm having SOME fun". As they were pulling us back into the boat, they dunk you a little bit into the water. Cameron and Anna loved that! When we got on the boat and the next team was going, both of the kids said that they wanted to go again! They were having a blast. When I get home, I will have pictures to share. It will be something that I will remember forever with my two kids!

The kids have been absolutely great - literally LIVING In the pool! They are having so much fun! I am enjoying a much needed rest.

Pearl apparently thinks she is on vacation as well, and thus feels as though she has no rules. Yesterday she managed to grab a peanut butter sandwich and nearly swallowed it until I dug it out of her throat (which was pretty disgusting!). Today as I was making lunch for the kids and was taking orders as to who wanted what type of sandwich for lunch, Pearl jumped up on the counter and grabbed the two pieces of wheat bread that were up there and ate them - quickly enough so I could not fish them out of her throat. She is currently still in time out for that one! Oh well, at least it was wheat bread! Not sure that is good for a dog, but it can't be real bad for her!

I have gotten toasty red the past few days. I have been bathing in SPF 30 and 50 sunblock, but I guess when you are as white as I am, you need something more than that! I'll put on some more before heading out to the pool again. Oh, if only to be as tan as my children!!!

This vacation is definitely what I needed! We are looking forward to Tim coming back tomorrow. We are plannin gon taking the kids on a jeep excursion with the wild horses... they will really like that. Not sure what else we are doing... I know Anna is hoping for beach braids - which would probably look adorable on her. We'll see!

I can't wait to share pictures when I return.

Love,
Charity

The Treadmill

2009-07-28T16:30:00.000-07:00

I'm listening right now to the rhythmic sound of my son's feet on the treadmill. Yes, my 10 year old boy has hit the treadmill. He starts football practice right after we get back from vacation, and he was told that he should be running right now to condition for it. He tried running outside, but it is incredibly hot and humid here right now, and he said that there were too many bugs - so could he use the treadmill? Sure... why not!

He's been on there for a bit, and it got me thinking... I feel as though I am on a treadmill right now. Spinning my wheels and going nowhere. But going nowhere sure does take up a whole lot of my energy. I think I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself, I'm not sure. Maybe I'm just overwhelmed. When I'm overwhelmed I tend to turn inward, and it tends to look the way I am feeling right now. Work is incredibly busy. My patience is at just about zero right now at work. Sad, but true. We have a very large project going on right now, and it just so happens to be Tim's project. The validation support is.... shall I say "less than stellar" right now. We had to contract it out because I am down a person in validation and we just didn't have the resources internally to support the project the way it needed to be supported. Well, since we got the new guy in to do the validation activities, he has been here six weeks and can't produce a document. We got the first one today and I nearly lost it. It was no where near complete. And, the worst part is... do I really want the validation support to be lacking on a project that Tim is managing? I don't think so..... so, I lost it. Not that it did any good, but being nice wasn't getting things done either. I guess I'm just a bit frustrated!

At home, I feel like I am spinning my wheels as well. I'm tired. Work is making me very tired. The kids are getting ready for back to school and there is a lot to do to get them ready.... new uniforms to purchase, school supplies, signing up for this and that, getting Cameron ready for football, signing Anna up for cheerleading.... and trying to find some time to get ready for our vacation. I could literally cry right now I need a vacation so badly.

Spiritually, I seem to be a bit on the outs with God. I know, I know... it's my fault. He doesn't stray from me.... I wander from Him. I'm just being honest. Some people would never admit when there is distance between them and God... but I know when there is.... I can feel it. The sad part is I know the reality... I know it is my own fault. I'm too tired to fix it right now. I know the never changing truths about God, and I'm counting on those right now. How pathetic is that? I know God will never leave me, so it's ok for me to be weary and take a break right now? No, I know it is wrong, and something is going to give me a big, huge slap back into my need for my relationship with God. Mental note: I should take care of this before God lends me a hand in terms of a circumstance that will assist me.

Have you ever been there though? Like I said... I think we all have been there, but that some people are just not willing to admit it. It's like they are not a Christian anymore if they say they are not close to God at a certain point in their life. I'm still a Christian. That would be like saying Cameron and Anna are not my children if they are mad at me for a day. I'm not saying that I am mad at God, because I'm not... I was just making a comparison. Anyway, I went out to lunch today with two Christian ladies, who offered me some encouragement. I told them how I was feeling. They reminded me that God is good. They are both going through some difficult circumstances right now, and they remain close to God. It was encouraging.

I need to get back on track. I know it. God knows it. I wonder if He misses me... seriously. I bet God does miss me when I do not fellowship with Him. I can't right now though. It almost feels as though it would be wrong. I am so negative with regard to work right now. My temper and patience is short. I'm being extremely hard on myself and others. Those who are giving their all to help relieve some work... I can't praise them enough, but for those who are a roadblock..... I have no patience. My stress level is high and my patience is low. How can I approach God like that? I need to be in my bible. I know that is where my answers are. I know my answer for change is there. Just open the book... how hard is that? Not hard, but doing it seems monumental right now.

I'm ready for my vacation. I know, vacation is not the answer, but maybe I will start to find the answer there. I'll take my bible.

Thanks for listening to my honest assessment of myself!

Love,
Charity

Much needed vacation

2009-07-27T09:55:00.000-07:00

On Saturday Tim and I will be heading to the Outer Banks of North Carolina (Corolla) with the kids for a much needed vacation. We have been in desperate need of a vacation for some time now, but with a looming adoption, we never took the time because we were saving our vacation for adoption travel. Seeing as how that likely will not happen any time soon, we decided it was time to take a vacation. Our plant has a maintenance shut down for a week, and this year it just happens to be in the summer, so we are headed to the Outer Banks for a week. We rented a house that is just a few blocks from the beach, and we are really going to enjoy our time there. I want to do so much with the kids while we are there... things that they will always remember. They have dolphin watch tours - which both Cameron and Anna would LOVE. Heck, I would love it. They have mini hang gliding from the dunes, historic places to visit (Cameron would love, I would rather pluck my eyeballs out), sailboat rides - and how about just plain hanging out at the beach. The kids always love that.

It will be quite a drive up there, so we are going to get a couple of movies for the kids to watch in the car, and other than that, we'll take some snacks and hopefully keep them happy on the drive up there.

The house that we rented has a pool. I thought that would be a great bonus, because the kids love to swim. I thought we could go to the beach and things like that in the morning / afternoon, but then when we came back for dinner, if they still wanted to swim, we wouldn't have to go back to the beach, we could just let them swim in the pool. It has a hot tub too, so that should be nice and relaxing.

I'm really looking forward to the time away. I really need some time away from work. Both Tim and I have been spending a lot of extra time at work, and that can get very old after awhile. Besides that, I just want some good quality time with my kids. I want them to remember times that we spent together... so I'm going to quit worrying about having my hair done to go somewhere, who cares if I don't have makeup on, who cares if sand gets all over the truck, who cares if the kids don't want to eat a healthy dinner.... It's a vacation. It's not often that we have the time to pack up and go somewhere, so I really want to make the best of it.

In just a few short weeks it will be back to school for the kids, and we won't be able to head off and do this kind of thing. We are headed to Chicago over Labor Day weekend - but that is to go to my cousin's wedding. Anna is the flower girl :) That should be fun.

Anyway, I hope to have lots of wonderful pictures to share from our vacation.

Charity

Hannah and Paul

2009-07-14T06:24:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile.... there has been a lot going on both at home and at work and have not had much time to write lately. Today, I'm home with my little girl. She woke up this morning with a very high fever.... I'm praying that it is nothing serious, but not sure why her fever is so high. It was 103.5 this morning. She was fine last night, but woke up early this morning calling me. So, I'm home with my little girl. She is sleeping right now, so I thought I would take some time to write.

Summer has been good here. The weather is great - sometimes hot, but still good. We have been able to take the kids to the beach a couple of times and they love that. They are looking forward to our week in the outer banks in just a few weeks. I can't wait for it either, I need a break.

Work is very busy - for both Tim and I. Tim's project is nearing its end, so that is very intense for him. I'm just stressed. Too much work, and too little time. It will get easier in a bit, I guess. I have someone new starting the first of August. In the long-run, she will be a huge asset to the department, but it will take some time for her to get up to speed. It'll be difficult for awhile, but I think I can see light at the end of the tunnel.

In Sunday school on Sunday, we were talking about Hannah. Hannah desperately wanted a child and she prayed for years, and for years she did not conceive a child. She continued to pray though. She prayed intensely, with faith that God would answer her prayer for a child, even though He had not given her a child after all of the years of praying... still she continued. She laid her life before God and prayed her heart and soul out to God, and God finally answered her prayer and she conceived Samuel. She made a deal with God when she was praying that she would turn her son over to God, if only she could have children. As difficult as it must have been for her, she followed through on her promise to God. At the age of three she took Samuel to the temple and left him there. She visited him regularly, but she held up her end of the deal with God. God doesn't break a promise to us, and although He knows we are human, He holds us to the same standards. So, Hannah ended up in the Bible.

How come Hannah ended up in the Bible? Well, obviously God wanted her in the bible, but it seems like she ended up in the bible, because God answered her prayer in a way that she wanted. What if God answered her prayers (as he did all the years that she did not conceive - yes, He did answer then, He just said later) with a NO? Would she be in the Bible then? Would she still have been so faithful to God?

Where are the stories in the Bible where people don't get what they want? I'm sure there are many. I remembered the one of Paul. Paul had an affliction. He asked God three times to remove this affliction from him. God answered each of the three times NO. But with God's no, came an explanation. God said that He would not remove Paul's affliction, because God's strength is shown in weakness. Ok, so Paul asked, he got a NO, but he got an explanation as well. I know God uses this to teach us. To give us a little glimpse of His ways - which are beyond all of our understanding... but what about now. What about today?

I have prayed and prayed and prayed for God to remove my affliction. Sure, in my weakness, He is strong. I know that. I know that my struggles keep me humble (or at least more so) and maybe that is why God does not heal me. I guess it is just hard. Hannah got what she wanted. Paul got an answer with an explanation. I got an answer, but no explanation. It's hard. If God answered in the way that I want - through healing - I'm sure I wouldn't look for an explanation as to why He is allowing me to be healed. But He is NOT healing me... so I want an answer. Someday, I will know - or I won't care. Someday I will be full. I will be complete. I won't worry about my time here where my sight is dwindling. While I am here though, that seems to matter. If I were Paul would I be happy? I don't know.. .probably not. Paul got an explanation, but He still didn't get what he wanted.

My kids don't always get what they want. Cameron or Anna will ask for candy and I may say no - with or without an explanation. I'm sure they don't like that, but I know what is best for them. I need to realize that with God as well. But with God, I am very similar to a small child asking their parent for something that is not good for them. I don't know enough to not ask. I don't know that what I desperately want will be so bad for me. I hope someday, I will grow in Christ to the point where I fully understand this, and accept it without question.

In Christ,
Charity

Family pictures

2009-06-20T12:31:00.000-07:00

The family pictures came in, and boy are they sweet. I will start this by sharing

those.

Aren't the pictures just wonderful? Karen did a wonderful job with them and I am very happy with them. I especially like the more "non-posed" ones. I love the one where Anna is basically strangling me. I LOVE that picture! You can feel how much I love my family, just by looking at our pictures.

My mom and Denis brought my sister over to visit the other day. It was really good to see her. My sister was in from Connecticut visiting with my mom and Denis, and they managed to make the trip over to spend the evening with us and have dinner together. It is not often that I get to see my sister Robin, so it was good to see her. She really enjoyed seeing the kids again and spending time with us and Tim.

Tim and I have had a lot of interesting things on our minds lately. Well, I think I have had more on my mind than him, but eventually he gets to the point where he has the same thoughts as I do :) Anyway, we have been talking about a couple of things. The first thing we have both been on the same page with for awhile. We are thinking about doing a few minor jobs around the house and then putting our house on the market... just to see what happens with it. My thought process was that if we stay at this house, there are some things we need to do. Remodeling the kitchen is one of those things. The other is finding a way to get more light into the house. The house is not EXTREMELY dark, but for someone with a vision impairment, it could use more light. If we are not going to stay here, then I don't want to put all of that money into the house. So, we threw the idea around for awhile, and decided that we will likely do the minor things that need to be done to get the house in shape to sell, and then we'll put it on the market and see what happens. We found some land in a wonderful subdivision that is much closer to our work. It is almost six acres. I would LOVE that much land. I could plant flowers forever on that much land :) We would sell our house, rent for awhile while our house was being built and then move into the house we plan on staying in forever!!! Really we need to downsize a bit in the process. As the kids get older, we just have too much room here... UNLESS.... That brings me onto the other thing I have been kicking around.

I have been wandering around the rainbow kids list for quite some time. I actually have two kids that I am watching and praying about, that I would love to bring home. We couldn't bring home both of them, but I am praying for God to lead us to a child, if that is what He has in store for us. I have said it a million times, but I really do not feel as though we are done with our family. There is a child out there somewhere that belongs with us. I just KNOW it! I'm thinking a son - Tim's thinking a daughter... maybe that means there are TWO out there. Ironically, the two children that I have been watching on the list, one is a two year old boy and the other is a four year old girl. Hhhmmmm....

Well, I have kids who want me to play superheros with them. Anna is dying for me to help her find Cameron, so I should go and do that. Speaking of Cameron, on Saturday my mom and Denis are coming to celebrate my and Cameron's birthday. Mine was yesterday and Cameron's is next week. I can't believe my little boy is turning 10!!! Time sure does fly!!! I think I have said that before though.

Well, enjoy the pictures!

In Christ,

Charity

So long Stanley

2009-06-13T04:35:00.000-07:00

It went all the way to game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals, but the Wings had their final defeat last night. They lost the cup to the Penguins. It was sad, especially since the final game was being played at the Joe to a sold out hometown crowd. Oh well.... I guess there is always next year!

It seemed to be a fitting way to end my week. The week started out on Monday with going into work to find myself reporting to a new Director. Actually, I'm reporting again to my old Director. For the past five years I have reported to the Director of Quality. Prior to that, I reported to the Director of Manufacturing. Well, here I am now, back with the Director of Manufacturing - except he is no longer the Director of Manufacturing. He and the Director of Quality (my boss up until Monday) switched positions. Anyone who knows me, knows that I get in a rut and I like it that way. I am not one to embrace change without thinking about it for a period of time. Well, given no time to think, I am forced to just dive in and make the best of it. My new Director is good, he is just different. Different than what I have grown accustomed to over the past five years. That was Monday.

On Tuesday, Wings lost game 6 to the Penguins.

On Wednesday I get a call from Anna's summer day camp and Anna had a fever. So, we left work and went and got her. Fortunately it was toward the end of the day. Nothing seemed really wrong with her. When I got her home though and took her temperature, she was running a low grade fever. Anna has really bad allergies though, and strange enough, she seems to run a bit of a fever with them. So, she went off to my mom's for a couple of days so Tim and I could both go to work the next day. Plus, she wasn't really sick or I would have stayed home with her. She loves being with my mom and Denis.

Thursday - well I guess that was pretty much ok.

Friday was the bomb. First at work I had a contract employee who is working on a critical project (the project Tim is responsible for from and Engineering perspective) quit. He found a permanent job and will not be seeing through the end of the project. The project was due to end in September, but right now is critical qualification time. I'm already down one person in the Validation department, so this leaves me two people short - in a three person plus an admin. department. He will be here for two more weeks and then he is done. So, on Monday I have to interview someone to fill that role. 60% of the way through the project, that is kind of hard. Tim and I will get it figured out though.

Cameron was at Football camp this week - here in Florence, not off somewhere. He really enjoyed it. I think he is really going to like football in the fall, and I'm really going to enjoy watching him play! Anyway, on Friday during practice he got his first real injury. He jammed his ring finger on his left hand. It's nice and swollen and bruised pretty bad, but he can bend it without a problem. It appears to be on the mends.

Then to top it all off last night, the Wings ended their Quest for the Cup. How sad!

On a more positive note, Tim and I have some things that we are throwing around, thinking about. I'll share it all later as it becomes more concrete. Also on a more positive note - Anna is feeling better. Tim had to run into work this morning, so the kids and I are hanging out. It should be a fun day.

Well, that's it for now - more to share later!

In Christian love,
Charity

Strep, Whooping Cough, Birthdays and Red Wings

2009-05-31T12:54:00.000-07:00

What a weekend!!! While it was a beautiful weekend weather-wise, I didn't have much opportunity to enjoy it. Friday morning, I woke up with a little itch in my throat. I thought it might be allergy related, got a glass of lemonaide and finished getting ready for work. Well, at lunch time, Tim and I had to run out for a bit, and I realized I really was not feeling all that great. By the time we got back to work, I felt like my throat was on fire, and I was having difficulty swallowing. When I got home, it was really bad. Tim was kind of making fun of me, not in a mean, but more in a playful sort of way, and I just started crying. I was feeling awful. I got in bed and that was pretty much the end of me.

The Saturday morning was supposed to be Tim's birthday party with my mom, Denis and the kids. Well, I had to call and cancel. There was no way I was feeling up to anything. I got back in bed and didn't get out. Tim went off to work (I know, what a great alternative to a birthday celebration - but he had some catching up to do) and I managed to take care of the kids. That basically consisted of making breakfast and lunch and breaking up fights. The kids were pretty good though, because they knew how awful I was feeling. By lunchtime on Saturday, I could not swallow food. It hurt too much and my throat was too swollen. So, finally Saturday afternoon I told Tim I needed to go to the doctor. Now, this is a big step for me, because I RARELY go to the doctor. I didn't know how I was going to make it through another night though without sleep. Everytime I swallowed it was horribly painful. So, since nothing else was open, off to the emergency room we went. I ended up with a nice running fever and a confirmed case of strep throat. Thankfully it came back positive right away (I know that sounds strange, but you'll know why in a minute) otherwise they would send it off for some more extensive two day testing, and in the meantime, they would send me home with nothing and I would just have to gargle warm salt water. You have no idea how I prayed for the full 20 minutes it took to get the test results back, that they would be positive, because I needed to go home with SOMETHING. In the meantime they gave me two different medicines - one for my fever and one to reduce my swelling in my throat. (2 pills, probably generic, but since dispensed at the hospital probably $30 each, one liquid dispensed at the hospital, probably costing just as much). I retained my sense of humor though through the whole thing, because as I was waiting for my test results, they came and checked my temperature again, and I told Tim it was probaby because they needed to add another $20 to my bill for the little sleeve that goes over the thermometer. The whole time Tim just kept reminding me that is what we have insurance for. So, the test result came back positive and I was never more happy. I'm probably the first person they had cheer when they found out they had strep. Hey, positive meant they would do something about it! And do something about it they did. 4 antibiotic pills and a nice steriod (for the swelling) shot later, and I was on my way to feeling better. Now for the rest of the family - let's just hope they don't get it. I'm glad mom and Denis didn't come either. I would hate to have exposed them. Now for making up the birthday party. I was very upset about that when I got home. Tim, not so much! He was not wanting to really mark this birthday anyway. Without mentioning which one it is, it is a milestone one for him somewhere between 30 and 50. You can figure it out!

Well, at least one kid in the family is protected from my strep. Cameron is on antibiotic because they had several confirmed cases of whooping cough in the 4th grade at his school. The 4th grade didn't get to attend the school awards ceremony and they all had to be put on antibiotics. Cameron is immunized against whooping cough, but I thought all of the kids had to be. Hopefully with getting them started on antibiotics, and with the kids being apart as it was so close to the last day of school, it will not become a problem for the school. So, bad situation as far as the whooping cough, but the antibiotics just might protect Cameron from getting two things! Tim and Anna... well.....we'll see.

While we were at the hospital, I kept having Tim check the time. Wings played game one of the Stanley Cup finals on Saturday. I made it home in time to watch them, but with all the drugs in me, I wasn't awake very long. This morning I found out that they won 3 to 1. They play again tonight in Detroit. Hopefully I can stay up to watch this one!

Memorial Day = Memory Day

2009-05-26T06:36:00.000-07:00

On Memorial Day we reflect in thankful appreciation, those who have fought for our country's freedom. Those who have gone before us, securing our religous and civil freedoms. I am truly thankful for those who have fought, and those who are fighting today, to keep our country free. I am also thankful for the family members who have their husbands / wives / children separated from them as they are in far away lands, ensuring my security at home. Memorial day is about remembering and for some reason on this memorial day, I was remembering my dad.

My dad did not fight in a war. He had prepared to, but then was discharged from the airforce due to illness. In 1969, just shortly after my oldest sister was born, my dad was in the Air Force and was diagnosed with Hodgkin's disease. My dad was and always has been a fighter. He suffered through horrible radiation treatments, surgeries, etc. and made his way through the terrible disease. Shortly after that fight was over for him, I was born. My dad was a survivor! After me came my younger sister - then there were three, and that was enough.

I was really unaware of my dad's ordeal with Hodgkin's disease for the majority of the time I was growing up. I would ask the occasional question of why my dad had this huge scar on his stomach - well, that was from where they removed his spleen. That scar was really the only visible scar that he carried with him. He had some internal, more long-term damage that I was unaware of, but for the most part, you never saw any ill effects of the disease in my dad. My dad was here with me all through growing up. He was a huge influence in my life. I am much like my father. He was very stubborn and strong-willed, and I am as well. My dad was there to see me graduate from high school and then from college. My dad was there when I was diagnosed with my eye condition - only six months after graduating from college with a degree in Chemistry. It tore him apart. My dad was there when I was married, and my dad was there when my son was born.

Right before my son was born, my dad re-married. He and my mom had divorced a few years prior and my mom was remarried and my dad was about to remarry as well. He and Brenda married and after coming home from their honeymoon, my dad went to the doctor. He went in for a physical because he was not feeling well. The doctors did the normal Q&A and started feeling around, lymph nodes, stomach etc and then as they were feeling his stomach they said well here is this and here is that, and finally here is your spleen. I can imagine my dad turning white as a ghost - because remember that scar I talked about above - from where they REMOVED his spleen? He either turned white or laughed.... probably a little of both. My dad indicated that he did not have a spleen and the doctor probably turned white as well. It turns out, what seemed to be a spleen, was a tumor. After winning the battle against Hodgkin's disease, my dad was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. It seems to me that once is enough. You should not have to fight the cancer battle twice. However, Cancer does not understand that concept. And so the battle for my dad's life (again), began.

It was not a long battle that my dad had with this disease. It only lasted a few seasons. I only had two more autumns with my dad. Two more winters, one more spring and one more summer. It was not enough. You know, as we get older, we mellow. I guess I can expect that will happen for me sometime as well (Tim probably hopes this too :). I hope sooner than it did for my dad. My dad was very much like me. He was hard headed, stubborn, determined - all those things I value in myself. One thing he was never accused of being, was mellow. I don't think anyone has ever called me mellow either. But, a few years before my dad died, he suddenly turned mellow. It was wonderful.

My dad only got to know Cameron, and Cameron only got to know my dad, for a total of 18 months. My dad never met Anna, and Anna never got to meet my dad. It breaks my heart. As much as my kids love my mom and her husband, I feel as though they were robbed of my dad. That doesn't take a THING away from my mom and Denis, but he's just someone I so much wish my kids could have known. My dad didn't get to meet Tim, and Tim didn't get to meet my dad. Tim might understand me a little more, if only he knew my dad (at least he would know where I got some of my character traits from)!

Right before my dad died, I was able to go visit him. I was living in Michigan and he was living in Indiana. I didn't get to see him real often, because at that point in time, I had already lost my ability to drive. But, it was about 4 weeks prior to my dad dying. I was able to spend some time with him. He desperately wanted to take me and my sister shopping. So he did. He was so weak though, that he had to wait in the car. He sent Brenda in with us. I got what he wanted me to get and I ran out to the car. By the time I got back out to the car, he had fallen asleep and I swear, I thought he had died. It killed me. He was that weak. When I left after that visit, I gave my dad a huge hug, and said good-bye. As I hugged him, his stomach felt hard and yet the rest of his body felt so frail. The cancer was taking over. Somehow, I'm not sure how, I knew that was the last time I would see my dad alive. I cried nearly the entire trip home. My sister and I had planned another visit, but it didn't come. My dad died before that trip could come. I still remember the day and the call. It was a Tuesday at 6:01 pm. I was leaving to go see my dad the very next day. I was originally supposed to go on the coming Saturday, but they said we should come sooner. They expected him to make it until the weekend, but we should try to come sooner. The same day I got a call at work and said he may not make it until the weekend. That was at 4:30 pm, but if we could come the next day that would be fine. He would still be there for us to say good-bye. I made the arrangements and then got the phone call - my dad had passed away. It was 8 years ago, and it still kills me. I remember it as though it were yesterday.

So much has happened and so much in my life has changed since my dad went home to be with the Lord. I found a great new job, I moved to SC, my son grew up to be a wonderful kid, I adopted a little girl, I met and married my husband, my career grew.... the list goes on and on. The biggest thing would be that I met and accepted my Savior. My dad did, right before he died. I did several years later.

I miss my dad. I think about him all the time. I'm not sure why Memorial Day brought back all of those memories, but they did. I have so many stories that would be funny to tell, of me and my dad. Things that happened when I was a child where I "withheld information (aka lied)" from him at the time, but then told him about later in life. So many of memories, so many stories....Stories of snowmobiling up in Michigan, stories of riding on his motorcycle with him as a child, stories of building two barns with him, hitting golf balls out into the corn field and me and my sisters running to look for them (yes, we were actually entertained by that), summers at the cottage on the lake, winters at the cottage on the lake... the list is endless. I wish I could share my kids with him. I wish I could have continued to share my life with him. I guess I get eternity with him though, and that is more important than the time I have/had with him here. I just really, truly miss him.

Again, I'm not sure why Memorial Day managed to bring all these memories of my dad back into the forefront of my mind. Maybe because Father's day is right around the corner. I'm not sure. The stroll down memory lane was nice though. I was much like my dad, and Cameron is much like me. I have pieces of my dad, in my son. It's nice.

Enough of my rambling...

In Christian love,
Charity

Bad news

2009-05-23T05:17:00.000-07:00

So, nothing but bad news to share today. After about an hour of waiting while Anna's program video attempted to upload, it left me with an error. It would not upload. It was such a sweet video, too. She put so much passion into her part! I wish I could share it, but I'm not able to.

Then, last night the Wings lost. It started off really bad. Chicago scored three goals in the first period, while the Wings did nothing. I thought it was over at that point in time. But then in the second period, the Wings scored three, so they went into the third period tied 3-3. They had to go into overtime and the Wings lost in overtime. I guess the good news is, that they are still up in the series 2:1, and that will give them at least one more game in Detroit! Maybe their goal is to win the next game in Chicago (Sunday) and then win the series at home on Wednesday. Yeah, maybe that's it!

Tim is off at work today. Cameron's going to spend the holiday weekend with his dad, so it will be just me and Anna here in a bit. Well me, Anna and Pearl. I guess it's just the girls!

In Christ,
Charity

Proud - You make me PROUD!

2009-05-22T09:41:00.000-07:00

I went to Anna's program this morning....She made me proud! I had to write this while I was thinking about it. When I get home tonight I will add the video if I can. Tim got some good video of her, especially doing her signing for one of the songs. It was so cute. Anyway, throughout the program, and since I have been back here at work, all I could think about was the Steven Curtis Chapman song "Proud" - Proud, you make me proud, I just can't say it any better. Win or lose it really doesn't matter - you make me proud.

I looked at my little 4K daughter, up on stage, doing her program and it's really all I could think of, was that I was SO happy to be the blessed person that got to be Anna's mom. I was also sitting next to a mother who has a daughter in my son Cameron's class. I will have to give Cameron a hard time about it tonight, because she was the mother of one of two girls I have picked out for Cameron to marry. (I know, I know, he's only in 4th grade, but if I were to pick one now, it would be one of these two girls). Anyway, I will joke with Cameron tonight that I sat next to his future mother in law, he will ask which one, because he knows that there are two of them, and I will tell him. I will tell him that we were picking out wedding colors and then he will roll his eyes and act all mad at me. It'll be fun!!!

Anyway, back to Anna. She came in, at the end of her class line, just as pretty as a picture in her white, pink and brown dress with little bows on it. It doesn't sound like a pretty color combination, but it is absolutely beautiful. Anna is one of those few people who can wear brown really well. It looks fabulous on her! She sat very quitely while the other classes were giving their presentations and then when it was her turn, she went up on the stage. There she stood, cute as a little button! I feel as though I can say it without bragging, because I really had no genetic part in in, but THAT GIRL IS BEAUTIFUL. She is going to turn into an incredibly beautiful woman, and I can not wait to see her grow and blossom into something extrordinary. She is beautiful even as the little flower bud that she is right now. Since she is such a tiny little squirt, she was able to be in the front row, so Tim was able to get some good video of her.

You know, every child up there was special. Every child had a mother or father (hopefully) sitting in the audience watching them perform what they had worked so hard on. Some were better behaved than others, some were better singers than others, some spoke better than others, some were just plain cuter than others, but they were all special. They were all someone's child and they are all children of God. My Anna is extra special to me, because God gave her to me. He chose ME!!! I'm not sure why I have been so blessed, but I'm thankful that I have been.

Cameron makes me just as proud. He and Anna are so different. Anna likes to be the center of attention, Cameron would rather not be the center of attention. Like for instance, Cameron can sing fairly well. He won't try out for a solo though, because he doesn't like the attention on him. Anna can BARELY carry a tune, but she will probably audition for everything, because she LOVES to be in the spotlight. Cameron is good at sports, but is a bit timid. Anna is not so good at sports, but she will try anything. Cameron is my "people pleaser". Anna is my "people pusher". And just to clear it up, if it sounds as though Anna's traits are negative, they are not. She is much like me. She is just different than Cameron. Both of my children bring a smile to my face and warm my heart and I am very proud to be their mom!

When I get home, I will post some of the video... it will melt your heart!

In Christ,
Charity

More Wings, more things

2009-05-21T13:17:00.001-07:00

Game 2 - Broadcast from the wonderful Home of the Wings - Joe Louis Arena in the motor city capital of the world (for now, I guess) downtown Detroit - WINGS: 3 BLACKHAWKS: 2! That leaves the series at 2:0 in favor of Detroit!!! They now have to play 2 games in Chicago, which the first of those two games will be Friday (tonight) night. WhooHoo - GO WINGS!!! It will be me, my Diet Coke and some popcorn Friday night watching the game. Or should I say watching the Wings win game 3 of the best of 7 series. Have I ever told you that I LOVE the WINGS?

Have I ever shared with you my dream of singing at a Red Wings game. Now, I'm not so full of myself to think that I would EVER get to sing the national anthem prior to the start of a Stanley Cup Playoff game (although that would be SO GREAT), my dream IS to someday take to the ice, on the red carpet that Karen Neuman (ugghhh) always stands on, and belt out the national anthem. I think I will photoshop myself into a picture of Joe Louis arena, remove Karen Neuman and place my photoshopped self there, on the ice, the crowd cheering! Photoshopped is probably as close as I will ever get to seeing my dream fulfilled, but hey, a girl can dream, right?

I'm likely not the most popular person at work right now, as I sit here in my wonderful office, with my Red Wings clock on the wall, my "Red Wings Way" road sign below it, my stack of pucks with three strategically placed bobble heads on them. Yzerman, Shannahan and CuJo - as if they are on olympic podiums. In the meantime, I am submersed in Hurricane territory. Now, I will tell you that most people here, don't jump on the Hurricane bandwagon until they, by some sheer stoke of luck, make it into the playoffs. Suddenly then, hockey fans come out of the woodwork. It is crazy. So, here I sit, surrounded by my mighty Wing objects, in Hurricane alley. Do I care? Not one bit! GO WINGS!!!

Anna has her end of the year program today. I bet it is going to be so sweet. I'm taking video of it, so hopefully I can post some of it here. Anna is leading one of the songs in sign. It should be so cute. How do the years pass so quickly. I held Anna for the first time almost five years ago, and I remember the trip as though it was yesterday - and it feels like yesterday. Here Cameron is ready to finish the fourth grade, and I'd really like to turn back the clock of time for both of them. These milestone times always remind me of how quickly time passes!

Speaking of time passing quickly... Tim has a birthday coming up. It's a big milestone one for him though. I'll let you guess which birthday it is, because he probably does not want me sharing it. I'm probably one of the few women in the world who really doesn't care about another birthday. Tim says that when I get to the one he is approaching, that I'll probably care. Maybe I will, I don't know, but I doubt it. I have overcome more in my life than my birthday bringing on another number. It's just a number. It's just another day. Our days are numbered anyway by God. Some go home early, some live on earth longer, but the coming of a birthday does not mean much to me. It doesn't change the end result for me, of life eternal.

I guess I'm done rambling... not much going on her. I'll try to post program pictures... they should be cute!

In Christian Love,
Charity

Wings n' things

2009-05-17T11:25:00.000-07:00

GO WINGS!!!! Many of you may not know this about me, but I am a huge hockey fan. I have been since college and my first real introduction to the Detroit Red Wings. Thank goodness there is ONE good professional team in Michigan! Actually, I'm not really a hockey fan, I'm more just a Red Wings fan. I wouldn't stay up late to watch a hockey game (other than the wings), and I wouldn't make sure I was home from some activity except to watch the wings. They are playing game 1 today of the Western Conference finals and it is against the Chicago BlackHawks.

Ok, they were set to start, and I just went through the channels, and they are NOT showing the game! How can they NOT show game 1 of the western conference finals. I stayed home while Tim and Anna went to run some errands, JUST to watch this. You have NO idea how big the rivaly is between these two teams.... maybe not on the ice as much as in my head, but still!!! I'll have to just keep track of the score! If they win, there is a chance that they will play Carolina Hurricanes for the Stanley Cup. If they do, we are going to try to get tickets when they are in Raleigh. Oh, that would be SO awesome!!! People here are not quite as big of hockey fans as those of us who have migrated here from the north.... that is GREAT for me, as I have a chance to get a STANLEY CUP PLAYOFF ticket to see my GREAT WHITE NORTH DETROIT RED WINGS play! (Update - I did get to watch the game - they published the wrong play time. They won game 1!! Red Wings-5 Black Hawks-2. One win down, three more to go against the Black Hawks!!!)

Well, it was another beautiful day here in Florence! Cameron and Pearl ventured outside for a bit and played stick, and I caught a few pictures of them that I thought I would share.

Pearl on the porch

Pearl playing with her stick

Cameron and Pearl

This one was not captured in the front yard, but captured in my mind - GO WINGS!!!!!

In Christian Love,

Charity

Class of......

2009-05-14T10:24:00.000-07:00

Remember when you were in high school, and you were no longer a single, individual but rather you were part of a "Class"? I remember it as though it were yesterday. I will not mention what "Class" I was part of, as it might make me appear ancient - my son started laughing hysterically when I informed him this morning what class I was part of. He said, so you have been out of school for XX years??? High school? or college? He was getting a bit too much humor out of it and I had to restrain myself from hurting him :) He may think I'm old, but I bet I could still take him! Anyway, the reason we were talking about it, is because last week at school, the kids had field day. Each grade had the same shirt, but with their individual "Class of XX" on the back. I thought it was really cute. Cameron is the Class of 17 and Anna is the Class of 22!!! It seems like so far away right now, but I'm sure I will blink and they will each be graduated and off to college. Time flies with children!

Today the kids went on a field trip. They were both going to the Aquarium in Myrtle Beach. They love it there. They can touch sting rays, see sharks, hold horse shoe crabs and just have a whole lot of fun. Cameron's class went to the IMAX afterward and saw "Under the Sea". He said it was awesome. Anyway, since they were going on a field trip today, they were able to wear a "spirit wear" shirt - which they normally only get to wear on Fridays. Normally it's uniform attire. So today, they both decided to wear their "Class of.... " shirts. I saw them from the back and though it was so neat, the two of them side by side, that I had to line them up for a picture.
Remember when I said Anna and I planted some seeds in planters for the front porch? Well, we planted two of them. One is doing awesome, and the other, well... I'm wondering if it is going to make it. Here is a picture of the one that is doing awesome though.

Tim had to go into work today, so the kids and I worked out in the yard. We worked for about four hours putting out pine straw. The kids worked really hard. Cameron loaded the bales of pine straw into the wheel barrow and then brought them over to where I was working. I laid out all of the pine straw, and then Anna took the wheel barrow back over to the pine straw bales and Cameron loaded it up again. They worked really hard. They helped me weed the flower bed and we took breaks and played with the dog. Pearl loves "fetching" sticks in the yard and we love throwing them for her. She had a lot of fun and it gives her some good exercise. Here are some pictures of Pearl and the flowers that we were working so hard on this morning....

Pearl relaxing

Pearl tired of getting her picture taken :)

Flowers from the yucca plant

Cannus flower
Oriental Lily in bloom
Spring has sprung!!!
Yucca - I've never seen a prettier bloom!

Pineapple lily - which will bloom for the first time this year! I can't wait to see how it looks!

flowers with the water fountain

So that is kind of our morning in pictures! We had such a good time working out in the yard.

Next week Anna has her last week of school. She has a program on Friday that I'll try to get pictures/video of to share. They usually do wonderful programs!

Not much else to share today.

In Christian Love,

Charity

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-10T11:06:00.000-07:00

I always love Mother's Day. Not because I will get a present from my husband/kids, but becuase they will remember to think that I am special on this day. I'm sure they think I am special every day, but on Mother's Day, they are reminded to show it. Just like I am reminded to show my mom how special she is.... and she is. So is my sister, who is a mom to three boys. My mother is a mother to three girls. Now, here I am, a mother to a son and a daughter and hopefully someday to another daughter.

This morning as we were getting ready for church (and my husband made an early morning run to starbucks to get me a tall, skinny vanilla latte - yummmm) I was thinking about how mother's come about. Mother's come about in so many different ways.

I am a mother by my son's birth. I remember that day as though it were yesterday and here it is almost ten years later. God blessed me with the experience of carrying a child inside of me for nine months. I loved him even before he was born. I am so thankful for that experience.

I am a mother through the miracle of adoption. My daughter Anna was a seed planted in my heart nearly two decades before she ever came about. God seemingly made me with a passion to adopt. Even when I was pregnant with Cameron, I talked about adoption, becuase I somehow knew it would be in my future. Then, God chose Anna for me, and me for Anna. 8000 miles away from me, was a little girl Dong Ai Yi. When she was being crafted in her mother's womb, God knew I would end up being her mom. It's amazing how even before she was placed in my arms (just like before Cameron was born) she was a tiny picture on a piece of paper, and I fell in love with her immediately, and she was mine!

Then there is how my "other mother" became my mother. My "other mother' as she likes to call herself, was my supervisor at my very first job in college. It was my first job in the pharmaceutical industry and I was 19 years old. My mom and dad had moved to Connecticut, and I was still in Michigan. Carolyn (my other mother) found it in her heart to watch over me. Since my family was so far away, she took over that "motherly role". Now the funny thing about it, is she would introduce me as her daughter. You would not believe the looks that she got. Carolyn is African american and as you can tell by my pictures, I'm as white as they come. She sure did get some funny looks when she called me her daughter. I would look at people with a puzzled look, as if wondering why they were questioning why she called me daughter. I would always get a chuckle out of it. Carolyn became my other mother, just by caring for me. She sends my children cards now for their birthdays and stuff like that, and she signs their cards "grandma II".

There are so many ways to become a mother. None any better than the other.

This morning, my kids got me a gift and so did my husband. The kids got me a necklace and Tim got me a digital photo frame. I love both. I'll tell you though, I had tears in my eyes when I found out why Cameron picked out the necklace that he did for me. It is a silver necklace that has a star pendant on it. It is called Shine and says "There could be no greater light in the world than a person living life to the fullest". Cameron said he picked that one, because he thinks I live my life to the fullest, that even though I am legally blind, that I don't let that stop me, that I got Pearl so she could help me and so I could continue to do all the things that I want to do. I thought that was so special that he thought of me in that way. I want my kids to see me living my life to the fullest. I want to be an example of that to them, and it brought tears to my eyes knowing that my son saw that in me.

Yesterday we got our family pictures done... I can't wait to share them. Until then...Happy Mother's Day. Enjoy the pictures, and if you are a mother, enjoy your very special day. And don't forget to tell your mom just how special she is to you!

In Christian Love,

Charity

Swine Flu, Outer Banks and vacation

2009-05-07T09:24:00.000-07:00

I think it is time for a vacation! It's been a long working year already and it is only the beginning of May. To top that off, I was not here for a month, and it still feels long!!! I guess with the economy the way it is, and so many people struggling to find work, I should be happy. The company Tim and I work for is doing well. We both work for the same pharmaceutical company - him as an Engineer/Project manager and me as QA/Validation manager. I guess cancer and other diseases don't take a break during a recession. We are both very busy at work right now, and with the swine flu threat, it's only going to get busier. The facility we work at makes the active ingredient for Tamiflu, so with the threat looming over us of the swine flu, I'm sure Tamiflu production will go up as well. Everyone in my house is having allergy/sinus issues right now, and fi there is even the threat of a fever, I'm sure it's the flu. Anna had it a couple of years ago and she was miserable. I hope our household manages to make it through the season without getting it. On the way into work today, they were talking about the threat of the flu - how the bird flu was worse than the swine flu, but they are concerned that the two strains will somehow combine and it will end up being something worse. My response to that: If the bird flu combines with the swine flu, that would be "When Pigs Fly"! I got a bit of a chuckle out of that. My husband didn't think it was quite so hilarious. I'll have to tell the kids tonight. Cameron will love it. Unfortunately for him, he has MY sense of humor. I think Tim secretly found it funny, but didn't want to encourage me! When I'm encouraged, I don't know when to stop. I should share sometime, how, when I'm forced to study history with my son, how I help him remember events in history. I make a big joke out of it. I play word games. We both think it is great. Tim seems to think I am somehow disgracing historical events. Hey, as long as he remembers, that's all that matters, right (oh, and the fact that we have fun with it is just an added bonus). But, I digress!

Anyway, back to my need for a vacation. I need a vacation. There are no ifs, ands or buts about it. So, we kind of threw around what we wanted to do. We tried to think of something that would be fun for the kids, but that would not involve an amusement park or something like that. To me, every kid needs to do that, but it's not really a vacation with family time. We went to Disney a couple of years ago, so this time we decided on some family vacation time. We have a week shut down toward the end of summer to do plant maintenance, so we decided it was right before the kids would head back to school, so we would take that week and go somewhere. First I was thinking the mountains. I think we have settled on a beach house at the Outer Banks though. I think it will be great! I talked to my mom and Denis, and they are going to come on vacation with us as well. It should be a lot of fun. (I have actually now booked the place, so we are set, and I can't wait to go!!!)

If you know anything at all about me, you will know that I am not a history fan (I think I have said it a million times) but Tim and Cameron are. They are talking about going to Kitty Hawk and other historical places while we are there. I'm thinking, OK, I'll go, because Tim and Cameron will enjoy it, but I really have no desire to go. Cameron will be thrilled by it though. Just spending time at the beach, maybe taking an ocean boat trip, going surf fishing and we are getting a house with a pool, so even if we don't want to go to the ocean, the kids can swim in the pool after dinner in the evenings and stuff like that. I want to just RELAX with my family. How much time do I have to relax with my family - not much. I am so looking forward to this time with them. And I have always loved the ocean.... the sound of it, the feel of it. The only thing I don't like is all the sand. I know, that sounds strange, but it gets all over!!! But, we are set, we have our summer vacation spot. The kids are going to love it.

Adoption: It has been awhile since I have said anything about adoption. I guess I have kind of avoided it, because it is a little sore spot in my heart. I have an empty little hole where a little girl should be, and is not. Tim and I have had some time to think about it and discuss it though, and for right this minute, it is the right thing for us. We need to get settled into a routine with some things and then see where it all leads. By this time next year though, we will be well on the way to adopting our next daughter. We have to be. I'm not sure why it has been so difficult for us to adopt another child into our family, but God has given me peace with our current decision, but has not taken the desire out of my heart. I know there is a little girl out there somewhere for us. I'll be anxious to start that process again. I had hoped that when I celebrated Mother's day this year, it would be with three children. Maybe next year!

Tomorrow is family picture day. I am praying for good weather and wonderful picture opportunities. Hopefully both the kids and the dog will cooperate and we will get some good pictures!

I guess that is all for now.

In Christian Love,
Charity

A Thinkin' Kind of Day

2009-05-02T14:41:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had just that "thinnkin' kind of day"? Friday night, we picked up Hamilton and took off on a late night trip to Georgetown, to the home of my mom and her husband Denis. It is about an hour and a half drive, but last night we were pulling a trailer, so it made it a bit longer. Saturday would be a plantation garage sale in my mom's neighborhood, so we decided to clean out the attic, clear out the drawers and sort through the multitude of riding toys in the garage, and participate with my mom in the sale. It was late, and I was tired, so while at the beginning of the trip I was talkative, I did have a headache, and by half way through, I needed just quiet.

The kids and Tim seemed to understand, as my headache was really bad, so they were relatively quiet and I just closed my eyes and enjoyed the ride. During that last 45 minutes, I had some time to think. It was good time.

Things in our family have been difficult lately. Without going into any of the bad, I decided to concentrate on the good. A burden had recently been lifted from me, and I could physically feel it. It has been the weight of the world on my shoulders. So, with that weight lifted, I could just think. There are so many negative things in life to worry about and focus on - but when you stop and think about it, I'm sure like me, you all have so much more good than bad.

I have my husband. Now, my husband and I might not see eye to eye on everything, but he loves me. We are committed to our marriage, and no, it's not a blissful, still-on-their-honeymoon marriage, but it is a marriage that we both choose to be in. Don't get me wrong, it's good. It's just not the Brady Bunch at our house. We live a pretty normal marriage existence, which if truth be told, is not the Brady Bunch. While most people see my husband as "laid back" - when you live with someone day in and day out, you tend to want to PUSH someone who is laid back. While most people see me as "determined" - when you have to live with me day in and day out, you might see me as PUSHY. We all have our faults, and my husband and I accept one anothers' faults, and somehow, when the day is done, on most days our personalities compliment one another.

I have my children. I have Cameron. My first born child. My son. Healthy, smart, handsome and a child who loves his mother. Cameron has his own faults - they all do - but he is still my son and he is wonderful. He is a bit emotional and sometimes is a bit overly sensitive, but at the same time, he IS sensitive, and I love that about him. He is a great child. I have Anna. My daughter. My gift from God, from the other side of the world. She is precious, smart, beautiful and like her mother, determined. Anna is a bit stubborn (kind of like her mother), but again, there is a fine line between a fault and a strenght, because her stubborness will be used someday for something so good and life-changing. I just know it. While molding her determination right now is difficult, I'll be thankful in the future I'm sure, that she has it. I have a step-son, Tim's middle child Hamilton, who I really enjoy having around. I wish he could be here more. He and Cameron get along great. He tends to pester you if he does not get something that he wants, but all around he is a good kid. Tim's two other boys I have not gotten to know all that well. Right now, they are making a choice to stay home when Hamilton comes. It's difficult for our family, but it is their choice.

I have my mom and Denis. Of-course, my mom would do anything in the world for me. She would do anything for the kids as well. When we went there this weekend, she did everything in her power to make sure everyone was happy. She always does. I wish we could have spent some time this weekend just relaxing and talking, but we were there for a purpose - we had a garage sale to have! We were able to get rid of stuff and make some cash.... just some extra spending money. Anyway, for some reason, and I have always thought it, but it became more apparent this weekend for some reason - I realize that not only would my mom, but Denis would do anything the kids and I needed. It means a lot to me. They help us out all the time when the kids aren't feeling well and Tim and I both need to be at work. They are always there.
I have my home. It's not the fanciest home on the block, but we are putting a lot of hard work into it to update it and keep it looking nice. We have been given jobs that pay us well enough to have a home that is large enough for everyone who needs to be here. Truthfully, we have more room than we need.

I have Pearl. What a blessing she is. She is such a good dog. She is good with the kids and she is really helpful in almost all aspects of my life. The kids really do love her. We are learning to work really well together as a team. I pray that the day will never come when I need to rely on her completely, but if I ever do, it is good to know that I can. She is a wonderful working dog. I pray that someday, something will happen where I don't need her at all. I would love nothing more than to pack up her work bed, and never have to take her with me to work again. I would miss petting her and giving her a treat every once in awhile throughout the day, but oh what I would give to see the world like most of the rest of the world does. I'd still keep my wonderful Pearl as a pet! I am VERY thankful for her! Not only is she a blessing to me, she is a blessing to others. So many conversations are started in stores, walking on the bike trail, etc. that allow me to inform people about the availability and pure joy of having a Leader Dog. Some people don't realize what a Leader Dog can do, and the fact that they can get one basically for free if they need one. It has been wonderful to share that with people, or just share with people what Pearl can do for me.

I have my health. My family has their health.

I have God. This is the most important thing, because even if all the other things go away, my God will never leave me. Sometimes I have difficulty living the Christian life. Sometimes it's hard for me to understand the negative in my life and I question God. God is good though. It's usually when I'm tired that I question. God gives me rest and recharging and I focus on His goodness. He forgives my questioning without my even asking. He holds me close, even when I don't know enough to ask for His closeness. He watches me always. He is my father. I can complain to God, but with all that He has given me, I'd surely be considered an ungrateful child. God gives me all of my needs, even when I think I need more. I wish I could understand the hand I have been dealt in life, and someday maybe God will reveal that to me... all I know is that one glorious day, I won't live with the constraints I have here on earth. My eyes will truly be opened by the one who made and saved me.

I'm not sure how, in 45 minutes, I was thinking about all of these things. I guess I had time on the way home as well. I would have given anything to have time over the weekend to just sit and talk with my mom. She and Denis have come to mean a LOT to me. They mean a lot to the children as well. There was a time when we weren't really all that close. My mom and I have always loved each other, but we didn't really connect. I guess we kind of just lived different lives, fairly far apart. I love that my mom and Denis are close enough where a trip to see them is not a huge ordeal. We have gotten to spend more time together getting to know one another and the kids getting to spend time with them. I'm very thankful for that. With Mother's Day right around the corner, I guess my mom should know that I am very thankful for her. Denis is an added bonus.

Unfortunately, Anna woke up with a fever Sunday morning. Her allergies have been really bothering her and she had quite a cough. So, Tim and the boys headed off to church and I was home alone with Anna and Pearl. I guess Tim had the boys and I had the girls! It was kind of nice.

I guess I just wanted to share the things that I am thankful for, in the midst of some not so good things going on in life right now. God truly is good to me and my family.

As an added bonus, we made a decent amount of money at the garage sale :) I guess that's another thing I can be thankful for.

On Saturday we are getting family pictures done, including Pearl! I can't wait to share them.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings!
In Christian Love,
Charity

Easter Picture

2009-04-19T11:44:00.000-07:00

Here is a picture of my little girl from Easter Sunday. The preschool kids (up to 4K - which is what Anna is in) got professional pictures taken at church on Easter Sunday and were given as a gift to the parents of every child present. We got the pictures back today at church. I thought Anna took a very nice picture. She is such a sweet little girl.

Well, Spring Break is almost over and tomorrow it is back to school and back to work for me. I'm kind of dreading it. I have enjoyed the time off with the kids. It has been nice.

In Christian Love,

Charity

Spring Break

2009-04-14T15:47:00.000-07:00

Aaahhhh.... Spring Break! It doesn't always seem like a break, but this year I decided to make it one. Normally, I work right through it. This year though, something has changed. When I went up to Michigan to get Pearl, I had a lot of time to think about what it is in life that is really important to me. I've decided that although I love my job, that is not what is important to me. What is important to me is my God, and my family. I don't spend enough time with either one of them. I decided while I was up there, that I wanted that to change.

Cameron and Anna came home a couple of weeks ago with their child care forms for this week. The school has childcare available for those who have to work. I pondered over the paper for a few minutes and then wondered why I just didn't stay home with them. Sure, the timing was not perfect. Sure, there were things that needed to be done at work, and I'm really busy there right now.... but when IS a good time? When is work NOT busy? Never. I looked back over last year, too. Last year we didn't take time off because we were saving our vacation time for the adoption that didn't happen. That was the same thing the year before. We were sure in 2007 that we would be traveling in 2008. In 2008 when we had to start all over again, we were sure we would be traveling by the end of 2008. When do I stop living for what is to come and start living for what I have today? Enjoy what God has given me, because there is no promise for tomorrow. Just like there was no promise for the adoption, there is no promise for tomorrow with my family. So, I decided that now was a good a time as any to take time off to spend at home with my kids. Not only did they need that time with me, but I needed that time with them. So, I asked Tim if he would be disappointed if I took the week off, even if he couldn't. He was fine with it, and ended up taking most of the time off with us anyway. So, we're just hanging out with the kids.

Unfortunately today was a very stormy, rainy day. Pearl had a vet appointment this morning. Cameron went with me to take Pearl in. She is very healthy - not that I thought otherwise. When we left the vet it was REALLY raining. So we just hung out until the appointment that we had this afternoon.

Yesterday I got to hang out with the kids most of the day. It sounds like completely boring and a lot of work, but what we did ended up being a lot of fun, and good talk time for all of us. Tim took the truck in to get some work done on it, so the kids and I were home alone. My mom's neighborhood is having a neighborhood yard sale, so we decided to clean out the attic and clean out the drawers. I have so much stuff packed away from when the kids were small. It was a huge trip down memory lane for me. I had little outfits from when Cameron was a baby. I had stuff that it seemed like it was just yesterday that Anna wore them... and it was 4 1/2 years ago. I remember going into the stores in Guangzhou getting her the little outfits, and now here it is nearly five years later and I'm finally ready to part with them. There are a few outfits that I will never get rid of, but the others can go. Someone else can dress their cute little girl in the precious outfits that were purchased for her with such care.

So, the kids helped me clean out stuff. The funny part was, whenever something came out, the kids suddenly had to play with it. Now mind you, the reason it was put away to begin with is becuase they never played with it. We got down out of the attic Anna's play kitchen, and suddenly it was her favorite toy and why would we want to get rid of that? Because it sat in the corner and collected dust... that's why. There was the truck that apparently climbs walls (maybe that's why that one got put away :) that Cameron had to play with again all of a sudden. Then there were the things that brought about discussion. The blankets that Anna could not part with. The stuffed animals that Cameron so treasured. I think it was a bit of a trip down memory lane for them as well. It was kind of sweet.

Surprisingly enough, the kids were actually very helpful. Cameorn and Anna priced all of the movies for me. They enjoyed that. Cameron would cut the tape, and Anna would put it on the movie. Cameron would then price it, and Anna would put it in the box. They got along for hours doing that. It was funny the debates we would have over pricing some things... especially with Cameron. He would bring out something he thought was valuable, and I would wonder if we could just throw it in for free with something else so someone would take it from us. Then there were things that he thought we should just throw away rather than sell and I thought we could get a small fortune for it. It was fun. It lasted well into the night.

After Tim came home, we decided to move out into the garage and clean it out. It is amazing the things that will accumulate in a garage if you let it. We got it all cleaned out, made a trip to the dump, found a black widow spider - which we promptly killed, and priced more items. Y es, Tim found a black widow spider. Even after he killed it, I almost couldn't see it. Good thing that he saw it, becuase I would not have.

Tonight we went and got flowers that the kids and I are going to plant tomorrow. I love planting flowers and watching them grow. The flowers that Anna and I planted in the planters are really starting to grow. I can't wait until they flower and she sees just how pretty they are. She loves to take care of things and seeing them turn into beautiful flowers... I'm sure she will really enjoy that.

Maybe tonight I will volunteer to camp out with the kids. Not really camping out, but maybe we will set up camp in Cameron's room. Tim is going in to work tomorrow morning, so the kids and I could just sleep in up there. Maybe I will suggest it. I'd sleep in the bed though... I think I'm too old to sleep on the floor. That's pretty sad, but my bones are getting tired! The kids would really enjoy it, I'm sure.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter! We did! Well, I guess if I'm going to volunteer to camp out with the kids, I should probably suggest it and get the camp set up!

In Christian Love,
Charity

Decision Update

2009-04-02T15:21:00.001-07:00

Dear Friends,
I promised I would post an update on the decisions that were made today, so here they are. The decision went the way that I had hoped that it would. It was step 1 (in a series of many, many steps) in the right direction. Now mind you, it was only step 1, but without the first step, the rest could not be taken. Not in the way I thought would be in the best interest of those involved. This is a very sensitive topic for me, and it's not something that I can share right now, however, I can say that the decision was favorable. It allowed us an opportunity to make what I feel are additional choices that allow us to work within a Godly structure. I know, I'm being very vague, but that is on purpose.

So, for those of you who prayed.... THANK YOU. Literally from the deepest part of my heart. Your prayers were heard. God is good. G0d was leading today and I truly believe that those deciding were listening to God's lead. God was hearing my prayer. God is now directing me and the others involved with future decisions. Please still continue to pray. As I said before, this is step one.

I'm off to make dinner for the children and Anna and I are making Easter Pictures tonight. I taught Cameron how to play "Skip Bo" last night. He beat me! He is teaching Tim tonight. So, after dinner and homework there is plenty to do.

Again, thank you!!! I really do appreciate all of the prayers and the words of encouragement.

In Christian Love,
Charity

Adoption Dreams on Hold - Part 1

2009-04-01T15:41:00.000-07:00

For all of those who have been praying for our family, thank you for your prayers. I truly do appreciate them. You have no idea how much. Someday, even if I do not share how much your prayers have helped, your eyes will be opened up to the wonder and power of your prayers. Knowing I have friends and family praying for us has truly meant the world to us. We have been through some very difficult, trying times lately, and not all of them have been bad, but they have been difficult and trying. Good change can be nearly as difficult to handle as "bad change". Getting Pearl was a huge challenge for me. Was it positive? Yes. Do I benefit from her daily? Yes. Is it something that needed to be done? Yes. Was it difficult? YES! Was it trying? YES! Did I want to give up? YES! (Jessica if you are reading this, you really know how close I was to giving up). In the end, am I so glad that I went through all of it? YES! I guess my point is, the change was good, but getting there was hard.

Currently our family is struggling with a situation that I'm not quite ready to share. Some of those closest to me, know exactly what the struggle is, and are praying for us specifically. For those of you who are, thank you. Thank you for being my sounding board right now. Thank you for being my trusted friends, and thank you for caring. Thank you for loving our family unconditionally, and thank you for raising us up to the Lord who will make all of this good. If you are praying for us, you know that all this will be good... it's God's promise. I can't wait to see the good at the end, because although I don't understand HIS plan, and can't quite find the good, I have been promised that it is there. Boy, I can not wait to see it!

For those of you who I have asked to pray, but you are not amongst the very few who I have shared this struggle with, I appreciate your willingness to pray for our family without the specifics. God truly does know our struggle, and He knows what you are praying for and thank you for praying. Some say that they will pray, but want the details. To me then it feels like they just want to know the struggle. If you are truly willing to pray for our family, you can pray without knowing all of the details. That means the world to me that people would pray for us without knowing. Thank you. Thank you so very much. Please continue. Your prayers are needed.

As for the title of this entry... well, unfortunately, it is true. Our adoption dreams are on hold for right now. Just a very short time ago, Tim and I made the decision that the dream of Kyrgyzstan needed to be let go. We had hoped to switch to another country and continue down the adoption road, but just as we felt the door was opening - God seems to have said "no". I've never felt in my heart the ability to say "no" to an adoption. Not for the past two years. It has always been something that I felt we were supposed to do. I still feel we are supposed to do it, but I really feel like the time is not now. Maybe God is giving me this peace in saying "no" to focus on the other events in our life that have us occupied right now. Maybe He is giving me the peace because down the road He will tell me "no" completely. I don't feel the "no completely" right now, but maybe that is what He is preparing me for. God knows when it comes to children and adoption, if it were a "No completely", I would swallow it pretty hard. In fact, I may even fight it. Show Him I could do it even if He didn't want us to. (Which yes, I know would not be a good attitude). I think God knows it's very sensitive for me and very near and dear to my heart, so if He is telling me no forever, He is handling me in a very loving way - with baby steps. Right now I just feel like it's not the time. I did tell Tim that at this point in time I do not feel the need to say no completely, just not now.

I contacted our agency and told them. I'm surprised I had it in me to say it is over. We have so much into the adoption. We have a small fortune plus two years of dreams.... it was difficult to say it is over (for now), but I did it. For now there are other things at hand.

So, I think things work out for a reason. Our daughter from Vietnam didn't happen because of the decision I would have to come to today. Our daughter from Kyrgyzstan, at least for us, didn't happen because of the decision I had to come to today. And maybe today is happening now, because a door will open later for our daughter to come home, but for today God has gently helped me close the door.

This is not the decision that I was eluding to in my previous posts. So, please continue in prayer for the decisions that will be made this week. Actually, they will be made tomorrow.

I say this is part 1, because I will share the rest tomorrow, after the decision is made. I may not share the details, but I will be able to share the outcome of your prayers. I'm quite positive that no matter what happens tomorrow, God will be glorified. Maybe not fully tomorrow, maybe not even the next day, maybe not even this year. I will say though that I am fully prepared for whatever is to happen. I am fully ready to accept it as God's will, and that may not be what I WANT, but it is what God wants, and He knows EVERYTHING. HE has the plan. Whatever decision is made, I will look for the way God's plan will be carried out.

Pray for strength for me tomorrow. I will need it. You know, I think even my attitude tonight as I type this is all part of God's will being carried out. I would normally try to control this situation. I am putting my trust in God and those He has put in the position to make some decisions. I'll trust Him no matter what the outcome, simply because I know that the decision tomorrow will be prayerfully considered, the ones who are making the decisions truly love the Lord and they will follow what they feel is the right thing to do.

Thank you again for your prayers.

In Christian Love,
Charity

Not much to say, but much prayer needed

2009-03-31T11:11:00.000-07:00

While I don't have much to say today, I do have some pictures to share. This past Sunday, Cameron was off visiting with his dad, and I decided to snap a few pictures of Anna and Pearl after church. She is such a pretty little girl (Anna that is, but Pearl is as well).

I'm in need of prayer. I feel like I ask for it all the time, but this time I really need it. Not for me in particular, but for a very difficult situation. It's a bit too raw/real for me to share right now, but maybe I will at some point. Just know that I need prayer. God will know what you are praying about, so please, just pray. I will let you know the outcome soon, as there are decisions to be made and they will be made this week. Please, please pray. Pray that God's will be d0ne in this particular situation. Pray I can accept / understand the decisions that are made, however they are made. Pray for those making the decisions, that they make them with the Love of the Lord in their heart - these are very good people making the decisions, and even if I don't like the decisions made (maybe), I love the people. I truly do. Pray that I keep my focus on the fact that they are good people, making the best decisions that they know how, with nothing but the best intrests of all at heart. Pray that in all things, I keep my eye on the prize (Christ) and act in a way that will glorify Him.

Like I said, not much to share today - except some pictures....

Thank you in advance for your continued prayers.

In Christian Love,

Charity

Frog-legged dog

2009-03-27T11:06:00.001-07:00

How could I forget this... the most precious picture of Pearl. She loves to lie on the floor "frog-legged".
Oh yeah, and here's Anna.... she can't "rip stick", but she can go on the scooter!

Pink, Pink you Stink

2009-03-27T04:18:00.000-07:00

(Don't mind Anna's hair in this picture, she pulled her braid out!!!)

Ok, ok, ok.... so I like the color pink - just not in my son's eye!!! We have had a very interesting week this week. On Sunday, Tim and I were wandering around the store with the kids and he came up to me and said, go take a look at Cameron's eye. So, I went and looked at it, and it didn't look too bad, but I could tell someting was wrong with it. There is only one thing that will confirm pink eye - and you don't need a doctor to do it. All you need to do is let the kid sleep and when they wake up in the morning, if they can open their eye - no pink eye. If they can't - pink eye. There is nothing that the pink eye germ loves more than incubating in a moist, warm eyeball for approximately eight hours. They get all excited in there and multiply like there is no tomorrow. So, Monday morning, I get Cameron up to check the status of his eye, and no shock to me... he had pink eye. Now, when Cameron gets pink eye, he REALLY gets pink eye. And this case was no different. I stayed home and took him to the doctor on Monday and they gave him antibiotic drops. He took those Monday and went to my mom's Tuesday to stay home with her. On Tuesday night, we picked him up from my mom's, expecting him to go back to school on Wednesday, however, that was not the case. Tim stayed home with him on Wednesday and took him back to the doctor, because not only was his eye not better, it was WORSE. He looked like a prize fighter by Wednesday with a swollen, pussy eye. So, on Wednesday they gave him both a new antibiotic drop and an oral antibiotic. It's now Fridy and it's finally starting to get better, but he was out from school all week. Thank goodness for my mom and her willingness to watch Cameron - even with pink eye. Cameron really enjoyed being with my mom - he was there Tuesday and Thursday - especially since she just got a new puppy. She has a nine week old cockapoo (cocker spaniel / poodle mix). He is really cute. Cameron got to spend a couple of days playing around with him. I guess the good thing for a kid about pink eye is that although they don't get to go to school, they really don't feel bad, so it's like a mini vacation for them. Although Cameron does have a ton of homework to catch up on, so he is having to do that today.

Ok, so I said I would share some pictures of the kids with Pearl. I also have some of Cameron and Anna playing out in the driveway. Cameron and Hamilton got Rip Sticks.... if you don't know what those are, they are like a skateboard with only two wheels.... kids must be WAY more coordinated today than when I was young... or else I am just getting very old and don't remember being that coordinated! Anyway, here are some pictures.

Spring has sprung in Florence.... all of the flowers are coming up and I am loving getting back into the flower gardening season. My mom and I have a little healthy gardening competition going on.... we share flower bulbs with one another, but are always secretly wishing that ours will grow bigger than anything we give each other. Some of my mom's flowers are way nicer than mine, and some of mine grow better than hers. Her husband Denis joins in our bit of fun and often says things about one plant in particular of mine... my yucca. Now, let me tell you about the yucca. The yucca came from my grandmother's house in Michigan. My mom and Denis went up there to visit, and my grandmother, who also is a gardener, gives us "starters" for our gardens. So, my mom brought me back this yucca. Well, I had planted my heart out, and didn't quite get to the yucca. It sat in the garage for at least three weeks and then I decided to plant it, after it was almost dead, and decided to just throw it in the ground and give it a chance. It grew into the most beautiful yucca. Every time Denis walks by it on the sidewalk, he mentions pokingly to my mom how beautiful and healthy it is. My mom threatens to kill him and the plant if he doesn't be quiet. So, mom and Denis... this picture is for you.... Take a look at this healthy yucca!!!

Last weekend Anna, Cameron and I planted about 125 flower bulbs. I probably planted WAY too many, but we'll see what happens! I love watching new flowers come up! Then Anna and I planted some seeds in the pots on our front steps. Those will be her little project...watching them grow and turn into beautiful flowers. I love this time of the year!

Some would call it crazy - others would call it obedience

2009-03-16T16:34:00.000-07:00

So, here we are... let's recap the events of the previous two years. First on the adoption front, Anna is adopted by Tim as his daughter. That happened in 2007. At the same time that adoption was finalized, Tim and I decided to journey into the International adoption realm again (me for the second time, him for the first) and adopt a little girl from Vietnam. Due to circumstances well beyond our control, we were not able to adopt a child from Vietnam. Our hearts were broken, but we decided to move on to another country. At this time, we considered several options. Have you ever felt as though God was leading you a particular way and then you travel a different way (the door wasn't closed, so you didn't have to push your way through) even though you had a true feeling that you knew that was not where God was leading you? We chose to follow our hearts and attempt to adopt a daughter from Kyrgyzstan. Why did we choose Kyrgyzstan... well, for all the right reasons, or so we thought. At the time, we thought it would be easy. We would get the dauther we so desired and she would fit right into our family with two other asian (one from China, one 1/2 Korean) children in our home all the time. Most likely from Kyrgyzstan we would get a child of asian appearance. We would also get her quickly, or so we thought. After a year wasted in Vietnam, we were ready to be on a path that would lead us to our child as soon as possible. Well, thinkgs aren't looking so great with Kyrgyzstan right now.

Then there was some down time on the adoption front. Tim and I were both very frustrated with the fact that we were two years and a WHOLE lot of money into the adoption process, and we were no closer to having a daughter than had we BURNED the money. It was very frustrating.

During this down time, I decided the time had come for me to get my Pearl. It was a wonderful experience to get Pearl. I am so blessed to have this dog in my life. Sure, it is a bit more challenging to just jump in the car and go somewhere - but she is WELL worth any extra effort. She loves the entire family, but she loves me the best :) She will go and pay attention to others in the house, but she always ventures back to lay by me. I love it! She has been wonderful at work and has really settled into our home routine. She is great.

So, during the process of Pearl, we decided to put the thought of the adoption on hold for the time being. There was really nothing we could do with Kyrgyzstan "on-hold" and I really needed to concentrate on the task at hand of getting Pearl.

So, we have started to get settled into life with Pearl and we got an e-mail from our case worker - wondering how we wanted to proceed with the adoption. So, Tim and I have been talking..... and talking.... and talking.

I think we are going to start over (we have to because all of our documents have expired) and go where I think God was leading us when we chose Kyrgyzstan. I just didn't wnat to hear Him at that point in time. His way didn't fit my plan, my timeline, the mold I had made in my mind, or the vision I had of our family. I'm going to withhold a bit of detail right now, as Tim and I are still continuing to discuss our options, but I think we are going to proceed down another adoption route.

I'm not sure what I should do about this blog.... I may end up putting up a link to a new blog. Just like Sara Faith was the daughter we hoped for from Vietnam. Kyra Nicole was the daughter that was to come to us from Kyrgyzstan. We have put these dreams aside, and as part of doing that, we have to put the names aside as well. At least for us that is the case. For some people, they can carry forward the name. That doesn't work for me. We have a new name and a new way (place) in mind - I guess when we finally firmly decide on it all, I'll start a new blog. Maybe one more generic this time that will cover all aspects of our life, not just the adoption route.... Because our life is full of Godly surprises, and I like to capture each and every one of them. Who would have thought Kyra's adoption blog would have focused on a Leader Dog for the past four months????

Well, stay tuned. Life is exciting and it is changing. We'll share more as we go along. Pray for our family, pray for our path, and pray we make decisions that keep us within God's will.

In Christian Love,
Charity

P.S. I took some pictures over the weekend of Pearl and the kids... stay tuned for those as well, because as soon as I get them uploaded, I will share :)

My first taste of frustration

2009-03-09T17:36:00.001-07:00

This is going to be a venting post. If you don't want to bother with listening to me complain a bit, then it might be good to come back at a later post, because this one is going to be a bit of complaining. I'm extremely irritated today, to the point of tears. I guess because of the sheer ignorance of some. I'm sure I'm a bit sensitive. I readily admit that. However, sensitive or not, it's more than me just being sensitive, because my husband was offended by it as well.

I'm going to preface this by saying that I understand that not everyone is as educated about visual impairment or blindness as I am. However, I do think that most people, even school-aged children - are aware of a Leader Dog harness and what that means. They may not know the rules with regard to things like whether or not they can pet the dog, where the dog can go, etc, but most know that when a dog is wearing a harness, it is a Leader Dog. Not only that, but even if you found a way to get a harness and you stuck it on your normal dog, it would not act like a Leader Dog. You would be able to tell. It takes a LOT of time to get a dog to the point where they will accept a harness on their back and continue to act normal. And, I guess if you have that much time where you want to fake being blind in order to bring your dog into a store, and you are actually able to get your dog to the point where it will act normal in a harness - then I say, go for it. You should be allowed. However, most people in their right mind would not spend such a substantial amount of time trying to train their dog to act like a guide dog, when they don't need one. Also, who would sit back and say "I think I want to act blind today - those people are so lucky to get to take their dog places".

I love my dog to death. She is so sweet and precious, but I would give just about anything not to have to take her with me places. I would give anything not to have to rely on her to keep me safe. I would love it. And, if given the opportunity to regain my eyesight and no longer be allowed to take Pearl into places.... you bet... I'd leave her at home. Sorry Pearl; I love you very much, but eyesight is precious. I could continue to love her without working her. Ok - I'm stepping one step down from my soap box (it's a very tall soap box) and will continue telling my story with a little less frustration inside.

Today Pearl had her first day of work. Today was day one of her actually going to work with me. She did splendid!!! Everyone at work was wonderful with her. Everyone treated me normally (not shocking, but I wondered how people would react) and even those who did not know how to react, just didn't mention it, which is fine with me. Most people were great. They welcomed Pearl and went on with their job and let me do mine. (I will say I have heard more dog stories than I ever thought existed) After work, Tim and I decided that we needed to take the kids to get their hair cut. Well, haircuts for us means a trip to Atlanta Bread. Usually we get haircuts and walk down two stores to Atlanta Bread. The kids love it there, and Tim and I enjoy their salads. Today we were running a little late though, and decided to go there first because the kids would be hungry. So, we go into the restaurant and someone at the counter (yes, working there) asks ME if dogs are allowed in there (a question, but clearly they thought the answer should be no). I said that Pearl was allowed in there, because she is a guide dog, I even rephrased it and said a service dog, just in case they didn't know what a guide dog was. She continued on and asked me if it was going to poop in the restaurant, because she was not going to clean up any poop. It irritated me. I told her that she would be fine, but even if she did have an accident, I would be responsible for cleaning up after her. I sat in a prominent place in the restaurant, kind of out of spite, but also because if given a choice, that is what I am supposed to do. This alerts people who are coming in that there is a dog in the restaurant, in case they are allergic or fearful of dogs. The spite part was my sitting in plain view of this individual so she knew that I was not going to let her comments send me out somewhere else to eat. So, I made it through that one.

Next came the haircuts. Now, I have been going to this VERY SAME haircut place for the past six years, ever since I have lived in SC, to get haircuts for my kids. They know I can not drive, and even if they didn't it really isn't any of their business anyway. So anyway, we go to get the haircuts and when we walk in, of-course all eyes turn on us. I expect that. It is not often (in fact I have never seen it) that you see a Leader Dog in Florence. I can live with teh looks of curiousity. But then we went up to the counter and one of the individuals said "she can't have that dog in here". I'm wondering if people assume all blind people are deaf, because clearly she was not talking to me. My husband immediately said that she is a guide dog and that we have papers allowing her access if they would like to see them. Then there was a bunch of chaos where two people were talking to my husband at the same time, and he couldn't hear either of them. Then one of the ladies proceeded to "semi-whisper" again, as if I am deaf or something terrible has happened to me, like I'm dying or something, and said "has there been an accident or something". My husband said no, she has not been in an accident. Then came and sat down by me. By that point in time, that was the last straw for me. I continued to get suspicious looks, like no one believed that she was a Leader Dog. She has a harness on for goodness sake!!!!

Would people feel as compelled to think they are prevy to my information / condition, if I had come into the store in a wheelchair? Do they feel they have a right to violate my privacy because I have this friendly dog? I do not have to justify the presence of my dog to anyone. I do have to provided school issued identification on me and my specific dog that she is trained as a Leader Dog. On the back of that card are references to the access laws in all 50 states. A public facility does have the right to deny me and my dog access if my dog is not properly groomed (I brush my dogs teeth three times a week and brush her at least every other day if not daily). They also have the right to deny me and my dog access if she is not in a harness. She is always in a harness in a public place. Other than that, they have no right to ask me why I think I need a dog. They have no right to "diagnose" me as having enought sight to not need a dog. I guess I'm just a bit bothered by the fact that people think it is any of their business at all. Again, if asked appropriately, I have no problem showing my card. In fact, I carry it with me everywhere I go, because I am more than willing to show it to anyone who requests it.

My problem is this.... although there are not many Leader Dogs in Florence, there are MANY, MANY Leader Dogs in the United States. Both of these businesses that I went to are not just local businesses, they are franchises. Do they not have training for their employees regarding access laws? Some could consider my treatment (although it may not seem like it in my typewritten recap) a form of harassment. I will say it made me VERY uncomfortable.

I try to be very respectful of others around me in public places. I do not let my dog go and sniff people, and if she accidentally does while I am tending to something else (like paying for something and they are too close to me) I always apologize. I try to make the presence of my dog known for those who have an aversion to dogs, but I also keep her tucked away as to not bother anyone.

So, last night I came home in tears. I felt defeated / deflated. Here I have this wonderful dog, who will so enrich my life, if given the full opportunity of what she has to offer me. I know it is complete ignorance (due to lack of the presence of Leader dogs here) on the part of some, but then again, my five year old understands. Why can't adults.

That all being said, I will say that some people are very supportive. I overhear parents telling their children about that "special dog". "we need to leave her alone so she can work". I only wish that some people's parents would have told them the same thing when they were younger, to make life easier for me today.

Thanks for listening!

Asking for patience,
Charity

Home at last

2009-03-08T13:21:00.000-07:00

Dear friends and family,

I want to thank each and every one of you who prayed for me and my family during my time away. It was a very long month, but we are now home - together, safe and sound. Tim along with Cameron and Anna met me at the airport on Thursday afternoon. Pearl was wonderful on the plane ride and she was very happy to see Tim and the kids again. We were all very happy to see each other. Thank you again for all of your prayers. It sustained us through our time apart.

I wanted to elaborate a little bit on Pearl and how she got her name. Pearl's puppy raising family, I have come to find out, are a very loving, Christian family from Traverse City, Michigan. I was very disappointed that I did not have the opportunity to meet them on "Puppy Raiser Day" at the school, but we had a terrible snow storm that day, and her family would have had to drive probably about 4 hours to come meet with us. I completely understood why they could not be there. Instead, we got in touch via e-mail and have grown to love each other through e-mail correspondence. I think I mentioned before how Pearl was named after a parable in the bible. It is in Matthew 13:45 "the pearl of great price". The kingdom of God is illustrated by Jesus as the merchant who is looking for the pearl of great price, and when he come upon it, he will give up everything he owns to have it. This wonderful family named my dog after this parable in the bible. While Pearl is nothing compared to the kingdom of God, is is obvious that this family saw the wonderful qualities of pearl and thought her to be very worthy and valuable. They hoped she would be just as valuable to me. And that she is. She is definitely a "Pearl" to me as well.

Pearl experienced many new things this weekend as we started to try to adjust her to life in South Carolina. First she went from the cold Michigan weather to weather in the 70's today here in SC. Tomorrow it is supposed to be in the 80's. Pearl should be in heaven. I have to tell you that Pearl came to just the right family. Most of the students at the school were from cold, similar to Michigan climates. I was one of maybe three who would go back home to a warmer climate. That suited Pearl well. I have to tell the story of the day it was really, really cold out. It had snowed the night before and Pearl was not happy working out in the cold. We were doing work in downtown Rochester, so we were working a lot of city blocks. When we would get to a road crossing, Pearl would find the curb for me, and then she would methodically place her back paws on top of my shoes, to keep her feet off of the cold ice/snow. While at times I thought is was humerous, and even a little cute for my dog to be so "prissy" I also thought it was very ironic that she would likely never have to deal with temperatures like that again after returning home. I don't know if she got spoiled in the kennels (although I know her trainer Jessica loved her and took her home often) because I can't imagine it was warmer in Traverse City where she spent the first year of her life. Traverse City is near the very northern tip of the lower peninsula of Michigan.... so cold weather. Maybe her puppy raisers babied her a little too :)

Pearl got to go to soccer games this weekend, to Home Depot, to church, to the Mexican restaurant - and in all of these situations she was wonderful. She is having a bit of difficulty concentrating on her work with Tim and the kids around, but I'm sure she will get used to having them ar0und soon. It's a bit frustrating for me right now, becuase she is not working to her full potential, but like I said, they will be 'old news' soon, and she will get past it.

I guess I just wanted to let everyone know we are home, we are safe, and we are thankful for all of your prayers!

In Christian Love,
Charity

Walking by Faith

2009-03-03T12:28:00.000-08:00

There is a well-known Christian author, Jennifer Rothschild who wrote the book and the devotional series "Walking by Faith, not by Sight". The title of that book reminded me of my experience today. When I came into this Leader Dog training, I came into it knowing that it would be a huge, new experience for me. I wasn't really prepared for all of it though. The training was pretty intense and it was much different than I thought it would be. Anyway, today was the day I was both anticipating and dreading. I decided that I would do "occlusion training" - which I guess is just a fancy name for training under blindfold. I wanted to do it for two reasons: First, I wanted to see just how much I could trust my dog. And second, I wanted to see just how much work I was doing "for" my dog. The end result though, was that I was pretty scared. I wasn't sure I could do it.

When we got to the training center this afternoon, Jessica came up to me and asked me to put Pearl on tie-down (which is just a fancy term for securing her on a lead) and put the blind-fold on and we would take the route I was going to take with Pearl, but do it with "sighted guide". Jessica was my sighted guide.

Ok, let me tell you about this blindfold. It wasn't your typical "cover up your eyes" blindfold. This thing was black, and then it was padded on the inside with black foam, and ZERO light came through any part of this blindfold. Imagine the blackest black you had ever seen, and make it even more black than that. Seriously, NO light. It kind of scared me, but I was going to press on! So, I attached Pearl, took off her harness so she could lie down and be comfortable, and I attached her lead to her harness.

Jessica and I took the route sighted guide and she pointed out landmarks and textures, etc on the route. I could not believe what I could feel and hear with this blindfold on. I felt and heard things that I have not felt or heard in the month that I have been here. I HAD to use these senses, and they were there! So, we went the route and then Jessica and I headed back to the training center to get Pearl and do it on my own with her (with Jessica following close by to make sure I was fine).

Jessica told me to leave the blindfold on, and harness Pearl up. She wanted me to get the full experience of getting all of the equipment on the dog and things like that. I took my gloves off to harness her up. The GENIUS that I am, I had attached all of her equipment so I would not lose it while Jessica and I were doing sighted guide, not knowing that I would have to take it all apart under blindfold. But, I did it. I was kind of proud of the fact that I could do that.

So, Pearl and I headed out. I was amazed at how Pearl did. She found me the door out of the building. I felt so many sidewalk textures that I have never felt before. I could INSTANTLY feel the slope of the sidewalk as we approached the curbs. I had tried to feel it before with my eyes open, and I couldn't do it. I wondered how everyone else was doing it, but under blindfold I felt it immediately. Pearl did great. She had to contend with someone who was pretty nervous, but still, she did a great job. She and I had to rework a curb a couple of times, but she never put me in danger, and I was always able to rework it successfully. It was more my problems than hers. She almost ran me into a pole, but Jessica stopped us. Pearl immediately knew that I was suddenly less capable than I had been previously (without the blindfold). I asked Jessica how the dogs knew this and she said they just do. Maybe it is that she can feel my confidence level, I'm not sure. But anyway, Jessica said she (Pearl) was trying to see what she could get away with again, now that I could not see. She started sniffing at the curbs and at the bushes - which she has not done since the first week that I got her. But, after nearly running me into the pole, I corrected her immediately and then she was fine. She knew I was serious and even though I couldn't see as much, I was still expecting her high work output. She and I did great the rest of the way. I can't believe the change it made in my confidence in Pearl. It was even more amazing than when we did our night travel, because I could still see a tiny bit then.

Anyway - we are at the tail end of our training. Tomorrow we pretty much have the morning off, then we do exit interviews in the afternoon and get ready to leave. Thursday morning we will be flying the friendly skies.

As for the title of this post; Walking by Faith - I think I did that today. As in the past when I put my Christian Walk in God's hands and I walk in Faith today I kind of experienced a parallel experience here on Earth. I put my faith in Pearl - who knew how to lead me and how to keep me safe - and she led me home. I had to trust her to guide me. Even when I didn't think I was going in the right direction, or had no clue if I was about to go off the sidewalk - Pearl knew the whole time. She adjusted to keep me on the "narrow" path. On my own, there is no way I would have stayed on that narrow path (called the sidewalk), but even though I didn't understand where she was taking me, because I couldn't see it, Pearl always kept me on the narrow path. Walking with Pearl ironically enough, strengthened my Christian walk as well. I saw so many similarities between my walk with Christ and my walk with Pearl. Pearl feels my hesitation, and I'm sure the Holy Spirit does as well. Neither of them care. They can lead me better without my hesitation, however, neither of them give up on me because I hesitate in my trust/confidence. They both continue to work, always ensuring my safety.

Pearl has been and will continue to be a blessing in my life. Someday I may write a book and share all that Pearl and I share and go through together. Share with everyone how God has revealed himself through this experience. I'm sure it won't be a best seller "Marley and Me" book but you never know the people it might touch/reach.

Please pray as we head home (I know, I ask this a lot!!!). I appreciate your prayers.

In Christian Love,
Charity

New Name - New Place

2009-03-02T13:21:00.000-08:00

This is going to kind of be a mixed post. I was talking with Tim last night and I don't feel as though we are going to end up with a daughter from Kyrgyzstan. I'm not sure where our daughter is going to be from. I do think we still have a daughter out there though. So anyway, I think I kind of shocked my husband last night when I text messaged him a list of three names. He responded with "For What?" I sent him a text back and said "for our daughter - whoever and wherever she may be".

God has taken us down a path right now, that is very dark. Not dark in terms of spiritually, however it is dark in terms of the fact that we can't see where He is leading us. For the most part we can see a bit ahead of us and have somewhat of an understanding of where God is leading us. On the adoption front, we seem to have no clue where He is leading us, and it's beginning to make me wonder if He is leading us in this adoption at all. Or if we are wandering on the wrong path. I can't imagine the desire to adopt an orphan would not be in God's will, however, I can imagine that God has a plan and we are trying to get a couple steps ahead of Him, so He is offering us delays. I am not sure. One thing I am sure of, is that if our daughter is not from Kyrgyzstan, then her name is not Kyra. Obviously there are other options for names (since I text messaged them to my husband), however I guess at this point in time, I'm not prepared to share them. We'll see how it all turns out.

We have decided to keep our options open in terms of the adoption right now. We have not said "No" to Kyrgyzstan, however, we are opening our mind to other countries and are even opening up to Domestic adoption at this point in time. We'll have to see where we are led. I'll keep you posted.

On the Pearl front....
Pearl and I are getting ready to come home this week. We have only two more days of training and then I hop on a plane with Pearl to come home. It is MINUS 10 DEGREES today with the wind chill, so I am very anxious to head to warm Florence, South Carolina. Home sweet warm, wonderful home!

I was able to get in contact with Pearl's puppy raisers this week. They are a wonderful family from Traverse City Michigan. They raised Pearl from the time she was just seven weeks old. They had her until she was one year old. They are a couple who have grandchildren. When they come to pick up a puppy to raise, they bring one of their grandchildren with them. They told me about their grandson who came and helped take care of and train Pearl. They did a wonderful job with her. We e-mailed back and forth a bit, and I meant to ask him how they came to name Pearl "Pearl". What was the reason for naming her that. I kept forgetting to ask them about it though. Well, this family sent me a package here at school for me and Pearl. Pearl got some snacks, a toy and a new bowl. I got some dried Traverse City cherries (YUMMY) and a wonderful letter from the family. In the letter they told me how they got the name Pearl.

They said that they named Pearl after the parable in the bible regarding the "Pearl of great price" in Matthew 13:45. I thought that was awesome. My wonderful Pearl was named with love and great thought from the Bible. I thought that was so awesome. I was so happy to hear that. Pearl was obviously very loved.

I have seen God working in me in the month that I have been here. I have seen God working in my family back home while I have been away. God is working on my patience. My need for perfection. My trust. He has been all over me with these things. I have seen the Holy Spirit change my heart with regard to some issues. I have seen the God I trust provide for me. I have said all along that God is working in me and WITH me throughout this, and when I got the letter from Pearl's puppy raising family and they told me (without my asking) how they named her, it just confirmed my thoughts all the more.

I can not wait to go home and share Pearl with my family and have me and Pearl start our life together. We leave on Thursday, so please pray for our safe travel!

In Christian Love,
Charity

Weekend with family

2009-02-23T05:12:00.000-08:00

Good Monday Morning! What a wonderfully, cold Monday morning it is. In just a few minutes Pearl and I will be heading out into the cold Michigan morning to train once again! And when I say cold, I mean cold. I think they said that with the wind chill, it is like 3 Degrees today. It will make for a brisk walk with Pearl! I wanted to share with all of you the wonderful weekend I had with my family. I wanted to share some pictures as well. Tim, Cameron and Anna flew into Michigan on Saturday and we were able to visit Saturday afternoon/evening and Sunday most of the day. We had a wonderful time together. First was the dog introduction. Of-course everyone was excited to meet Pearl and Pearl was excited to meet everyone. It was great. Tim and Cameron loved Pearl immediately, but Anna was a little hesitant. Who could blame her though... I mean the dog weighs 15 pounds more than her. I'm sure it's a bit intimidating! Here is a picture of the family together (minus me as I am taking the picture). After introductions, we were able to take a short tour around the residence, and spent some time in my room with Pearl. Tim loves Pearl and so does Cameron. They both enjoyed playing with her and just loving on her. It was great. Pearl really enjoyed it as well. Anna decided she needed to sit on the bed and give Pearl every correction that I gave her - of-course from the middle of the bed, so Pearl could not lick her. (If I have not mentioned it before, Pearl LOVES to lick!).

Here is a picture of Cameron and Pearl together!

Cameron and Anna helped me feed Pearl and then we gave her some water and decided it was time for us to go out to dinner. We didn't have a whole ton of time, so we just ran up to the Olive Garden. It was a nice dinner with my family. On the way out, as I was checking out, Anna said to the Resident Assistant "Do you know what my mom's dog's last name is". Rhonda the RA said "No, what is her last name". Anna said it is "Pearl Heel". It was so cute! She must have heard me say "Pearl, heel" over and over and thought that was her last name :) Only a 5 year old would think that!

Here is a picture of Cameron, Anna and Pearl:

On Sunday we made plans to go on a tour of the puppy kennels. Prior to that, Tim and the kids picked me up and we went out for coffee at Bean and Leaf (which, if you are in Rochester and want some really good coffee, it is EXCELLENT there). We really enjoyed all of us sitting there and talking together. Tim and I had a cup of coffee and the kids had a wonderful cup of hot chocolate. We then drove around a bit. I was able to show Tim the University where I went to college as well as the first pharmaceutical company that I ever worked at. Then we made our way back to the school. We stopped in to play with Pearl a bit before we went on the puppy kennel tour. They sure do love playing with the dog!

After the puppy kennel tour, we did a little shopping to get the few things that I needed to allow me to make it through the remainder of time that I have at the school. Then we came back, took care of Pearl, and then we were going out to dinner. By this point in time, the kids know that this is the last little bit of time that we were going to have together for awhile. It was difficult for everyone. Cameron and Anna were a bit emotional, and also, so was I. It was a very difficult evening. We decided to go to a Mongolian BBQ place, and the kids enjoyed that. My heart was broken though. I hate to see the kids upset, especially because I feel a bit selfish for being gone for a month and that is what is making my kids upset. The rational part of me says that none of this is selfish. I don't want to be here, and there is nothing that I would like better than to go home. It is really, really hard though, when your children are crying.

We made it through all of the emotions though, and we made it back to the school. Tim and the kids walked me in, and we said our good-byes there. It was very difficult, but I know the kids are in very good hands. Tim cares for them well. So, today, here I am. Tim just called me and said that they made it home safely. They are there, and I am here for 10 more days. They will be 10 good training days for me, but in the meantime, it kills me to be away from them. I love my kids, I love my husband, and I love my family as a whole. I miss them very much.

Oh, one thing I failed to mention at the beginning of this, is that we had a winter storm warning on Friday night/ Saturday morning. We got 7 inches of snow Saturday morning. I wondered if Tim and the kids would even make it in, but they did - God was watching out for us. He knew just how badly I needed to see my family.

Please continue to pray for me and my family. The training here with Pearl is going very well, but I could use your prayers in that regard as well. When Pearl and I leave here in 10 days, we need to work together completely as a team. I have a long way to go before we work seamlessly as a team.

Thank you for all of your prayers.

In Christian love,

Charity

Pearl - a diamond in the rough

2009-02-13T13:57:00.001-08:00

Here is a picture of Pearl from today. She is such a good dog. She has been nothing but fun to work with, and it's amazing, but in three days, I have not heard her bark once. She whined on the first day, when she was wanting to be with Jessica, but other than that, I have not heard a peep out of her. None of the dogs really bark. I was told that they have been trained not to, but who would have thought that with 22 dogs in a room, that not one of them would bark. Actually, I did hear one dog bark a few times the other day, but it is rare to hear.

Anyway, I thought today I would go through the training process that we are going through. For those who think this is a walk in the park, it's not. I thought it would be something along the lines of this:

I would be issued the dog. The dog would instantly not only want to work with me, but would work with me well. Then we would just practice for a month, and go home.

Hhhmmmm.... let me tell you how it really is. It is a LOT of work. The dogs are VERY well trained. They are so well trained it is amazing. They know things that I can't believe that they know. They know right from left. They know how to turn right, how to turn left. They know to stop at the curb when I'm walking on a sidewalk. They know to let me know when I am crossing the road and coming up to another sidewalk. She can judge how tall I am, and if she thinks a overhang branch will hit me. She can see obstacles and find the path of least resistance. She can find a shoulder for me, and even has "intelligent disobedience". The dogs have been trained to be obedient, however if there is a dangerous situation, the dogs will be disobedient in order to keep you from getting hurt. To me, it is amazing.

Now, all that being said, it has been extremely difficult. I have had many a conversation with my trainer, wondering if this is really going to work. Fortunately, she has complete confidence in me and the dog. When Pearl was given to me, she was excited to see me for a few minutes, because I am someone new who would play with her. But then, it became apparent to her that she was going to have to stay with me, and she did not like that at all. So, like any nearly two year old, she tried to test me. She became disobedient and only would work when Jessica was around. She has started to learn that I am not going anywhere though, and that she is going to have to stay with me, and learn to work for me. I think she is beginning to really love me. It has been a very difficult transition though, both for me and for her. I expected her to love me immediately. She expected to live forever happily with Jessica. Both of our expectations have been shattered and we are both learning to live together in this new world!

Pearl was lying over on her blanket and I just had to capture this picture of her....

We are learning together and working together. I have seen some major changes in her in the past four days that I have had her. All positive of-course. Just like a child though, when I am working with her, we take one step forward and two steps back. But, if I give up on her, then no one wins. It is truly frustrating, but in the end, it will be well worth all the effort and frustration that is being put into her. I love her to death! I never thought I would fall in love with a dog, but I have. She does and will do so much for me - I'm very fortunate to have her!

For anyone who is interested in learning about this wonderful organization that is providng me with this dog, please check out http://www.leaderdog.org/ They are a wonderful organization. The people here are amazing and they run the center on nothing but donations. I have a wonderful place to stay for an entire month. I have been provided with a dog, with food for the dog, grooming supplies, medication and more training than you can imagine. The staff here is wonderful and very helpful.

Well, enjoy the pictures of Pearl.

In Christian Love,

Charity

My dog is a gem.... she's a pearl

2009-02-12T09:43:00.000-08:00

I didn't think I would actually be able to post to my web page from here, but low and behold, I can!!! For those of you who have prayed for me during this journey....THANK YOU!!! Your prayers have been felt!

Sunday, leaving my family was awful. I really didn't want to come here and surely, I didn't want to leave my children! Once I got here, I was SURE I did not want to be here. I was in tears - it just wasn't for me. But, if you know me, you know that I do not back down to a challenge, and completing this training would be a challenge, so I was up for it. I decided to give it a chance! Monday we started actual training.... learning commands, and things like that. Tuesday it was working on the commands and working with a human sighted partner on the commands.

Wednesday was dog issue day. Before I tell you about my dog and show you her picture, I want to tell you about how they issue the dogs. Monday and Tuesday was spent working with the trainers and being interviewed by them. They discussed stuff with us with regard to our daily activities, our travel, working environment, walking pace, etc. Based on all of this information, along with the consideration of the rest of our family situation (children, no children, etc) they get in their mind a dog that is suitable for each student, and also that has graduated and is available for issue. Over the course of those two days, many people observe our patterns and then discuss the dog choice of our particular trainer. In my case, my trainer Jessica thought Pearl would be the perfect dog for me and for my family and work/life situation. Here is Pearl (and yes, she is perfect!)

Pearl is a 20 month old yellow lab. She has almost latte looking ears, muzzle and tail tip (fitting since I love "grande vanilla lattes"). She is a wonderful dog with a wonderful spirit. She is precious. She and I are having a good time getting to know each other.

Today we went walking through downtown Rochester in harness. She is not yet real fond of taking commands from me, especially since her trainer is right there with me, and she has been with no one but her trainer for the past five months. She loves Jessica, and has not yet transferred her love for Jessica to me. It is actually really sad, because she feels as though she has been abandon by Jessica. Now as much as Jessica loves her, she no longer really interacts with her anymore, except to correct her. She gives her no positive reinforcement anymore (she needs to get that from me), and she does not play with her anymore. Whenever Jessica walks by, she cries. She did that yesterday, and now today she is not crying anymore, but you can tell she is sad.... like, "why don't you love me anymore". Right now I think she is just tollerating me as a way to see Jessica, but soon she will come to love me as much as I love her. It is difficult for me to understand that this may take a bit of time. She is getting more and more willing to work with me, the more I work with her.

Here is a picture of Pearl in harness. She fell asleep on the floor after working one of our routes. Here is another of her in harness getting ready to work. Let me tell you...this dog LOVES to work!

Well, now that you all have met Pearl, I will ask that you continue to pray for me as Pearl and I have just started this journey together. We have a long training road ahead of us. I am so thankful for the opportunity to work with this dog! Already I can see what a benefit she will be to my life. These dogs truly are invaluable.

Now that I know that I can post from here, I will continue to keep you all updated with pictures and stories of my time here with Pearl. In 8 days Tim, Cameron and Anna get to meet Pearl. I can not wait!!!

Thank you again for your prayers!

In Christian Love,

Charity (& Pearl)

The sun will come up..... tomorrow

2009-02-07T04:29:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow.....Anna just asked me.... Mom, why do you have all of these suitcases??? At five, I don't think she understands what it means to be gone for a month. She asked me this morning while at the dining room table, if I would be gone for just three days? I wish I could have told her yes. Instead I had to tell her that it would be a little bit longer than that. So, the suitcases are out and I'm trying to bring myself to start packing for the month that I will be away. I wonder if Anna would fit in one of my suitcases???

My husband... if he were going on this trip, he would have packed last weekend and the suitcases would likely be by the door by now, just waiting to go. Not that he would want to get away, but becuase he is just like that... he has to prepare well in advance. Me, I hate packing. The only thing worse than packing is unpacking when you come home. It's terrible and I don't enjoy it one bit. But, it has to be done. So, today is the day that I am doing it.

Before I get into the trip, I wanted to share with everyone something I have asked all of you to pray about. Tim and I were approached about adopting a little girl from another country other than Kyrgyzstan. With Kyrgyzstan being as unpredictable as it is right now, our agency is not moving people forward with Kyrgyzstan adoptions. So, they called us about another option. While we prayed about it, we felt if this is the child God meant for us to have, then we would have it. If not, there would be a road block. So, Tim and I said yes, take our paperwork and see if we are a fit family for this particular country. After over a week, and submission of our papers to the country attorney/committee, we were told that although we were a wonderful family, this country would not consider us because we have two children. If we had two boys or two girls, maybe they would give us a child of the opposite sex, but because we have one of each, we were determined to not be a suitable family for this country. I guess each country gets to determine what the requirements are, and great that they let us know up front instead of putting more and more money into an adoption, but it was yet another disappointment. Anyway, for those who were praying for our family, I said I would tell you how it worked out, one way or the other, and it did not work out. I guess the only thing I can think is our daughter is somewhere else. Maybe God is up there thinking "When are you going to look HERE???!!!???". If only I could see where He is pointing! It just seems so unfair that we have a suitable home, love and the financial situation to adequately raise another child.... it just so happens that our current children don't happen to be the right gender to make another country happy. I often find myself asking the question like "Do you really think the child would be better off in an ORPHANAGE than to have a brother AND a sister?" but, it's not my right to answer, or really even ask, that question. So, the search goes on. Maybe someone can point me in the direction of a country we haven't considered that we are suitable adoptive parents for!

Ok, back to the trip. I think I am almost ready to go. Tim and I are going to do some running around this afternoon to get some last minute things that I need for the trip. My mom called this morning to make sure I was doing alright. I try to somehow keep it together for my mom, but this morning I couldn't. When she asked me that question, I didn't want to be on the phone with her, I didn't want to talk to her, I just wanted to cry - so I did. I'm not upset for any other reason than I'm going to have to leave everything for a month. That's not the best feeling in the world. I'll make it through it though, I'm sure. Tomorrow will be especially difficult though - getting on the plane and leaving my kids. Again.... it will be fine. Maybe if I keep telling myself that, then it really will be ok.

Oh, one other thing.... remember when I said that it never snows in SC. Well, it did - AGAIN - this week. It has snowed twice in 2009 and NEVER in the 5 other years that I have been here. The most interesting thing about SC is that three days ago, it was snowing and school was closed, and today it is 72 Degrees. I guess God was trying to at least somehow prepare me for the snow that I will face in Michigan... just giving me a little taste of what's to come. At the top of the post is a picture of the house in the snow.

Well, I guess it will be a bit before I post again. I don't think I will be able to do it from up in Michigan. I'll post as soon as I get back though. Until then, please pray for me. Pray for my family.

In Christian Love,

Charity

The Countdown

2009-02-03T15:41:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends,

The countdown has begun. I'm down to three more working days, five days total until I find myself aboard a plane for the great white north. I'm strangely calm and optomistic. When these things happen, things that I clearly do not like, I wonder what God has planned for them. Obviously something perfect. Something wonderful. Something amazing and something clearly beyond my understanding. This must be one of those things.

Today I prayed. Prayed that God would give me some kind of understanding as to why I am having to go through this whole thing. Why am I losing my sight? Why does it have to get so bad that I have to get a dog? Why me? After months of anxiety, I found peace. Peace that I may never know, I may never understand, and I may never like it - but God knows, God understands and He finds it perfect. Maybe a glimmer of understanding came when the following happened:

An announcement was made at work today that I would be getting a guide dog. It wasn't simply to make that statement, but since the people I work with have never had a guide dog at the company, they needed to prepare with regard to being instructed on how to interact with the dog. So, the announcement was made that when I come back to work in March, it would be with a dog. On the way home from work my husband told me two stories:

The first is of a man who has a son who is going through a terrible condition himself. It's a different struggle than mine, but a struggle all the same. He said he admired the way in which I was handling this. His son is struggling - maybe I can be a positive influence of dealing with a difficult situation. It's interesting how God brings lives and situations together - to serve one another. Because out of the situation, I see myself as very fortunate, because I see the struggle his son is going through as much more difficult. I should count my blessings more frequently.

The second story he told me was of a co-worker of ours who when they read the announcement, they had a million questions..... seemingly not out of concern, but more out of curiosity. Questions that did not need to be asked, regarding personal information that really is no ones' business but my own. At first I got angry. It bothered me that someone would not have enough decency to just leave the situation alone. There are some things that really don't need to be asked. But then, as I thought about it, I wondered if this wasn't another situation that God has placed me in to be an example. There could be something positive coming out of all of this. Maybe I can through my handling of this situation, be a testimony of God's faithfulness and strength. Not only that, but I think with regard to my workplace in general, I think I can be an example of how people with a disability (and we know we all have one or more, right? mine is just more noticable now) can be successful and capable despite what may hinder them.

Someday, maybe God will answer the question for me with regard to why I am having to go through all of this, and will someday show me of the lives I have touched along the way because of what I am going through now.

I'm beginning to look forward to going. To meeting my dog, my companion, my daily guide. I'm dying thinking about being away from my family for a month - but, not much I can do about it. Just pray for strength to make it through it.

I'm looking forward to coming home and sharing with all of you the pictures of my new dog. I'm sure I will have a few stories to tell!

In Christian Love,
Charity

Snow and Prayer

2009-01-25T14:53:00.000-08:00

Dear friends,

Although I don't personally know many of you, we all seem to "know" one another through the blog world. So, because of that, I consider many of you friends, even if I have never met you. You have faithfully followed our story and check back often to wonder where our story is leading us. Because of this, I would like to ask you a favor....

Could you please continue to follow our story? I don't think it has ended yet. Although the road to Kyrgyzstan seems blocked, something tells me that this journey is not over. I would rather not go into any details right now, but someday this will be another miraculous chapter of the story God has woven called my life. Right now, what I need from you is to continue to follow and to pray. My husband is overseas right now, and I e-mailed him, told him to stop whatever he was doing at that moment (which I guess would have been reading his e-mail :) and pray for our family. Pray for the daughter in Kyrgyzstan that we will not meet. Pray for the hearts at home that are bruised due to disappointment, the feeling of a dream lost, and most importantly pray for God's will. Pray for my family to stay on the road that God has planned for us. The road that will lead us where HE wants us to be, rather than where WE want to go. I truly believe that God gives us the desires of our hearts, so if it was not HIS will, then this desire in me would not be so strong. I also think that the desire would not be in my husband's heart as strongly as it is, if it were not for God working in him. So, that being said, please pray. A situation has come up which may or may not require a decision on our part, but if it does, I want it to be God's will. I KNOW the power of prayer. I know that God hears the prayers of his people. Please pray for us!

Ok, now that I have asked all of you a favor, I will share a couple of fun pictures with you. First.... Who ever said that it doesn't snow in South Carolina? Oh yeah, right... that would be me. Well, it does snow in South Carolina. It has snowed once in the nearly six years that I have been here... and here is a picture of the kids enjoying it.

They sure did enjoy running around in it!

Two weeks from now I will be in Michigan. It seemed for awhile like it was forever away and now it is right around the corner. Again, I ask you to pray. Please pray for the kids especially. Cameron has been complaining of a stomach ache (not like he is sick, or that he doesn't feel good) and I'm beginning to wonder if that isn't why. Cameron is going to have a hard time with his mom being gone. He is talking about it more and more, with his teachers and things like that, so that makes me think all the more that it is bothering him. He doesn't really share things like that much. If he talks, it is usually because something is bothering him. I wish I could just speed up time and be back before the kids even knew I was gone.

Thank you for praying for our family.

In Christ,
Charity

In my life.....

2009-01-08T13:53:00.000-08:00

I got this off of a friend's website, and found it interesting. I thought I would go through these and share what I have done, and what I would like to do!

The BOLD things are things I've done. Lots of other stuff I've yet to do...

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band (band geek!)
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland /world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo (this is one of my favorites!!!) I should do that again!
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child -- Anna Clare AiYi Roach - Guangdong, China
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill (If my boss is reading this, it was NOT at this job)
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run - yeah, right!!!
32. Been on a cruise - working on this one!
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors - Does Bay City, Michigan count? I didn't think so:)
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelos David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa - I'm working on this one too - the one place I want to see before I can see no more is Victoria Falls, South Africa.
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies - mmm... thin mints!
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt - does collecting the squares count?
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle/moped
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating - shocking, but yes.... before my vision got so bad, I hunted whitetail and was actually a good shot!
88. Had chickenpox - did I ever!
89. Saved someone's life - not this physical life, but led them to life eternal, which in my mind is more important!
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one - my dad
94. Had a baby - Cameron Jacob McDonald!
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day

So, that's my life.... looking back at it, I guess I skipped all of the adventuresome ones! I'm more of a "safe person" I guess. I should look at these again though and start making plans. Life is short. You never know how long you have to do the things you want to do.

Holiday work

2009-01-08T11:34:00.000-08:00

Not much new going on here. I am home with Anna today as she had some minor dental surgery this morning, so after her trip to the dentist, I decided to stay home with her. It's been a nice, lazy day with my daughter. (She is in my bedroom doorway playing right now, and she is playing with little cars.... apparently they are going through Starbucks, because they just ordered a "Brande Vanilla Latte with Sour Cream". I think she meant either a "grande vanilla latte" or a hot chocolate with whipped cream - which we order for her and Cameron - it came out as brande vanilla latte with sour cream though :) I guess I spend too much time and money going through Starbucks on the way into work in the morning if my 5 year old knows how to order!

So, only three days back at work and I'm already ready for another vacation. I love my job but boy is it busy right now. We just finished a HUGE expansion project and started up the processing bay this past Monday. While it is running well, there are always hiccoughs along the way and those, while small, can be stressful. In order to help get the processing bay started up right after we came back to work, both Tim and I had to spend some time at work over the holiday break. Cameron and Anna will often go in with us and play in my office while I work. Well, here is a picture of my two little worker bees in the project trailer. They put on hard hats and safety glasses and thought they were really cool! I told them if they kept them on for too long they might be put to to work!

Cameron looks so short only because I made him squat down so I could get him and Anna in the same picture! Maybe I can get them a paycheck!

Well, I might as well fully utilize my time off of work now that Anna is back to her normal self....I might just get some cleaning done! Just thought I would share a picture of my little ones!

Please pray for our family as we are getting ready for me to leave for Michigan soon to get my dog. I leave three weeks from this Sunday.

In Christ,

Charity

Happy New Year!

2009-01-02T06:07:00.000-08:00

I've tried to write this several times and I can't find the right words to write. So, I just give up and try again later. I think this is my third or fourth attempt :)

Christmas has come and gone and we are now full swing into 2009. Tim and I are off from work until Monday (which is when the kids go back to school), so we are kind of just hanging out, getting things done around the house. Today it is the "undecorating" process. For some reason Cameron is looking forward to it.... I'm not quite sure why. Yesterday we decided to take a day trip up to Rock Hill to visit Tim's parents. We had a good visit, and it was nice to be there for a change. With our schedules the way that they are, it is difficult for us to get anywhere on a weekend, so it was nice for us to have time to head that way. While we were there, we took a trip over to Tim's Uncle's house where they have a shop and are working on old cars. I have a couple of pictures of the kids in the cars and some that Tim's mom took after dinner (I just realized that we got a picture of everyone but her!!!):

The Roach Family

Cameron

Anna

Tim and Charity

The Roach Men (Eddie, Jim and Tim)

Cam and Anna - Stylin'

So, while we had some time on our hands today, we went out and did a little shopping. I have been wanting some new everyday dishes for the house and while we were out, we decided to just run through the home section of the store and look at some. Well, get this. I found some "Christmas" dishes at 80% off. I called Tim over and asked him... What about these dishes look like Christmas? Or even winter? He didn't think they did, so I got them. They match the dining room perfectly, and they are really nice. Not only that, but I got almost $500 worth of dishes for $80. Now that is my kind of deal! We did a little more shopping and then headed out to the movies. We took the kids to see Marley and Me. What a wonderful movie! A bit of a tear jerker, but still wonderful. Even Tim cried (Tim, when you read this, don't kill me for making that public knowledge! It just goes to show that you are sensitive.) Cameron SWEARS that he did not cry. He said he ALMOST did, but he didn't end up crying. How do you "almost" cry? He was sitting right next to me and he was sniffling, so I say, he cried! Anna was the only one who didn't. She did enjoy the movie though! I'm hoping that the dog I get in February (to act as my constant companion) will be as cute as that dog. It will likely be a yellow lab, so maybe....

So, I'm trying to determine if I have any profound thoughts for 2009... I don't really think that I do. It should be a very exciting, interesting year. Work will still be busy. We have that to be thankful for, because I know some people are struggling to keep a job. I'll get my dog - which yes, I am nervous about, but I know it will make my life easier. Who knows where we will be with the adoption. Something tells me we won't be getting our daughter in 2009, but something is also telling me that's ok. I'm not sure what God has planned, but I am willing to bet that another little girl and boy will enter our family before all is said and done. I guess I need to just sit back and wait for God to say when.

Something has me really looking forward to what God has planned for us in 2009. If our focus is on the right things, no matter what happens, there will be joy around every corner. Maybe I can work on mending some broken relationships. Maybe I can worry a little less about work. Maybe I can spend more time enjoying my children and less time worrying about things that really don't matter. Maybe I can actually plan the vacation that we always want to take, but never have time to. Maybe I can serve others in a way that would please God to no end. I have a gift hidden in me somewhere that God really wants to use. Maybe this is the year for that.... Maybe I'll be more consistent in my blogging.... Well, maybe :)

Time to go do something I rarely have time to do. Time to go relax for a bit. Happy New Year to all.

In Christian Love,

Charity

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth

2008-12-06T15:28:00.000-08:00

Well, we made it through Thanksgiving. We were down to one child on Thanksgiving day as Cameron was spending Thanksgiving with his dad and Tim's boys were with their mom. It was us and Anna. We headed to Georgetown for a Thanksgiving dinner. I made rhubarb pie - which is a treat for anyone from up north (my family is from Michigan) and is a real hit with my mom's husband Denis. I think he loves me only for the desserts that I make for him :) Anyway, we had all the good Thanksgiving stuff.... with the exception of Denis' (my mom's husband) wild rice stuffing. He always makes wild rice stuffing, and as much as I make fun of him for it, I actually was looking forward to it. It has pine nuts in it, and it is wonderful. For some reason he didn't make it this year.......maybe because I made fun of him too much. We had a wonderful dinner and a good visit with my mom and Denis. Then we headed back to Florence. Friday we picked up Tim's boys and then went to get Cameron from his dad. We had a full house for the weekend.

Monday after Thanksgiving Anna came down with something and had yet another fever. She had no other symptoms and from what I understand there was a small virus going through her school. So, rather than Tim and I staying home all week, Anna got packed up and went to stay with Grandma and Denis for a couple of days. I really don't like to be away from Anna while she is sick, but her only symptom was a fever, so I didn't feel so bad. Anyway, while she was there, she lost not ONE, but TWO of her front teeth. She looks really cute with them gone! Here is my little toothless wonder:

While the boys were here (minus Jackson who has decided he needs to spend weekends at home with his mother) we took some Christmas pictures. I took like 15 pictures and I was lucky to get one decent one. Cameron didn't want to be within a mile of Anna, Anna wanted to be right up next to him, and Mason and Hamilton weren't really thrilled about getting their picture taken to begin with. So, we came up with one picture. And here it is.

After the boys left, I got a couple more pictures of Cameron and Anna. Anna was being the little super model and Cameron was willing to humor me (since his sister was not with him). I got a couple of good pictures of them.

Chewing, Digesting and Swallowing

2008-11-24T15:57:00.000-08:00

Well, another post sure has been a long time in coming.... it has been difficult to write anything, as I was not sure what to write. Many things have happened since Halloween, and I've kind of been digesting since then. In fact, I'm still digesting. I feel like a cow, chewing their cud. When I think I'm done with something, swallow the decision and try to move on, I find that there might be something I have not digested. Back up it comes for my mind and heart to chew on for awhile - and the cycle continues.

For those who follow this blog for updates on our family, I apologize. I should have written, just for the sake of writing, I guess. I really don't like to write when I am thinking though. I like to work things out in my head, arrive at some place, and then go with that. As you can probably tell, I have not yet arrived at a place.....

Tim and I have been discussing the situation that we now find my life in. A few weeks ago, I got the call from Leader Dog, accepting me into the school. For once I wish I would have failed the admission test. Unfortunately, I made it in with flying colors. Yes, I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself, but it's yet another reason why I have not been writing. I'm not the type of person who normally feels sorry for myself, and on the rare occasion that I do feel sorry for myself, I really don't like to share it. Anyway, I will be attending the school shortly after the first of the year. This means that life will change for me a bit after my time there. I've worried over introducing the dog into my work place. I've already told the people who directly report to me, about it. I've also shared it with a select few others. There were mixed reactions. Stunned. Sympathetic (my least favorite). Trying to make it seem "fun" - my second least favorite. I guess I'm not sure what reaction would have made me feel comfortable.... probably the only thing I would have been comfortable with, is not having to tell anyone at all. One individual in the few I have told, responded as though they did not believe me. That's how well I manage to get along in my life. It's been difficult for me to have to face the fact that there is no hiding behind normalcy anymore.

Besides having to face, for the first time, the truth with many, I also have transportation issues to consider. I have begun to worry if getting to/from work and getting the kids to school when I have a dog, will be more difficult. There are times when Tim is out of town and I have to arrange for transportation for me and the children. It can be difficult, as Florence is a bit spread out, and many of the people I am close to have children of their own to tend to. God always provides a way for us, and I should rest assured in that, but I can imagine it will begin to get more difficult. I will now have to deal with a dog as well. I'm a bit nervous with regard to how it will all work out. I have thought of some possibilities to make it more managable, but will just have to chew on those for awhile and see what I might want to do. We'll see.

Besides trying to think through that, I have been thinking through the adoption. With regard to my eye condition, physical and emotional stress is less than beneficial and can cause my vision loss to progress faster. I struggle with this thought with regard to the demands I put on myself at work and at home. When this dog, whom I desperately need, enters my life, even though this will be a positive change, it will be very stressful for me. Life will be dramatically different, and it will be similar to caring for another child. They need to be bathed, fed, groomed, taken out for exercise, let out to use the bathroom, etc. It will not be a minimal task to care for him/her. It will be a necessary task though. One I'm sure I will grow to love.

That being said, I'm going through this adoption in my head. I'm torn. One part of me says "Go for it".... "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". Another part of me say... This has been a very stressful, almost two year adoption journey with multiple closed doors. Maybe it is God who is telling me something. God cares for the widows and the orphans. I have brought an orphan into my home and she is no longer an orphan, but a family member. She is my daughter. Maybe this is all God wanted for me to do. Maybe the remainder of my mission field is somewhere else. My heart desperately wants to bring another daughter home. In fact, my heart has two more adoptions in it. A little girl "Kyra" and a little boy "Nate". I'm not sure God has those same plans for me and my life though. I find myself wondering if I am doing my children some injustice by not just focusing the time I have left, with the eyesight I have left, on them. Some stresses in my life can not be avoided...like the stress of getting this dog. It has to happen and I have to do it now. Some can be removed. The thought of 5 years down the road though, not having another child in my home to care for, almost brings me to tears. Letting go of my dream may prove to be too difficult.

So, that's where I am. Maybe now it makes more sense why I have not written. Too much going on in my head, with no answers coming out.

Tim and I have agreed to at least let Thanksgiving pass before we make any type of decision. Part of me says - if I were pregnant, there would be no turning back, so why can't I just look at it that way, pretend I'm pregnant and go for it (My mind goes there because that is what my heart wants). The other part of me clearly understands that I am not pregnant, it is nowhere near the same and that is an irrational argument. I've also asked Tim about just "waiting". If it would be out of the question to later on, come back to this... maybe after we make this life transition for me, see how it works out and then make a decision. He is not opposed to that.

I guess that is the last (but greatest thing).... I have been writing all of this as though it is all about me. There are many other people involved, but two in particular. The part of this that makes it most difficult, is not how I feel, but it's about a little girl who needs a home. It's also about my husband who wants to bring a daughter home (but would never make me feel bad about it if I couldn't). I feel as though I will be letting two people down. I feel as though for the first time, if I stop now, that my eye condition would have prevented me from doing something - and in 13 years of dealing with this, that has never happened.

I know....it's a long post. Thanks for letting me share. I'll update in a more timely fashion after the holidays.

In Christian Love,
Charity

Tricks, Treats and Fingerprints.

2008-11-01T14:38:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm not sure just where to begin. Let's start with Trick or treating last night. Mason and Hamilton are with us this weekend, so Hamilton, Cameron and Anna were able to trick or treat together. Anna had an absolute BLAST! She literally RAN up to every door. Cameron and Hamilton were only interested in filling their bags. I'm assuming this will be Hamilton's last year trick or treating - I'll leave that to him and the people passing out candy though. Although, next year he will be with his mother, so I guess it will be up to the two of them. I thought he was a bit too old... so did some of the people who answered the doors: "aren't you a little big to be out trick or treating?" Oh well, he had fun and I guess that is all that matters. This year the theme seemed to be super heros. Anna was Supergirl and Cameron and Hamilton were each Batman. Here they are before their big super hero night out.

Anna as Supergirl (with a bit of brother batman in the background)
Cameron as BatMan:
The dynamic trio: (Hamilton apparently does not like getting his picture taken, or he would have a picture of his own as well):

They all looked cute as they marched their superhero selves up to doors and asked for candy... Can't a super hero get candy without having to go door to door?

Now for an update on Anna and her mysterious fever:

Anna ended up having a fever of 104 - 105 for about 6 days. We still have no clue why she had such a high fever. Initially we took her to the doctor and they said it was a virus, but if it did not go away in 2 days (the fever that is) that we needed to take her in for blood work. We took her in for the blood work 2 days later and it came back fine. The following day we were in the hospital waiting room because I was sure she had pnemonia or something like that. A chest X-ray, an antibiotic and a decongestant (and one week) later and she is doing just great. No clue what it was, but either the antibiotic did the trick, or the virus was getting ready to leave. The good news was that the chest X-ray was clear! Anyway, she is back to school and best of all, back to her normal self!

Adoption:
Tim and I went to Charleston, SC this past Wednesday for our fingerprint appointment. The people at USCIS in Charleston were absolutely great. We were able to get in before our appointment and had actually left the building before our original appointment was even scheduled for. They got us in and out real quick and we should have our fingerprint update back to us within about a week or two. Then we move on to taking everything to get it state certified.

Cameron finished up football season. Here is his football picture. He is a very handsome kid if I do say so myself! Anna's soccer picture is attached as well. (She was the cutest little kid on the team!)

Well, there is a bit more news to share, not on the adoption front, but with other aspects of life, but the kids are apparently "STARVING"! (Do any of them look as though they are starving?) So, I need to go and make them some dinner before they wither away right before my eyes. Maybe tomorrow I can update some more.

In Christ,
Charity

Finally, CPA paperwork!!!

2008-10-22T16:56:00.000-07:00

Tim is on his way right now to pick up our paper work from the CPA. We finally found one through our church, who has been absolutely wonderful. He told Tim it was a pleasure to help a family through the process of International Adoption. Thank Goodness we found him! When Tim gets home, I will inspect the paper work.... I am the "inspector", he is not. Hopefully everything will be in order and I will scan the documents and send them to our agency tomorrow. Then we go next week to renew our fingerprints. I believe that is the last piece of documentation we need - 0ur new, amended I171H with our new finger print expiration on it. I just need this out of my hands and in the hands of another! (although I don't really trust others to complete their part right or in a timely fashion, so this may be more difficult than the process that I am in right now....aggghhh!)

So, 104.7 High number or low number:

High, if a grade on a test.
Low, if it is the number of minutes I have left to live
High, if it is the % of my income taxes I'm going to get back
Low, if it is the balance in my bank account....

So, this number can be either high, or low. I found it to be extremely high at 1:30 this morning as I was taking Anna's temperature. I gave her medication and got her into bed around 10:00 last night (obviously knowing that she would not be going to school today). At 1:00am my mother's intuition woke me up and told me to take her temperature. Well, a therometer was not required. I did the reading just to confirm what my hands were saying... which was very HOT! I took her temperature and it was 104.7. I'm not sure I have ever seen a temperature that high. It kind of freaked me out.

I tossed and turned a bit and then told Tim I was worried about her. If it would have been one degree higher, we would have been in the car on the way to the emergency room. I got more Motrin in her and then the fever went down. She has been up and down all day with her fever. The highest today was 104... whatever is "bugging" her, is bugging her pretty badly! When her fever is down, she runs around the house like she has not a care in the world. I try to get her to rest, but she just doesn't stop. When the fever starts to come back, she starts to get very lethargic and falls right to sleep. If this continues tonight, Tim will take her back to the doctor tomorrow. Hopefully that will not be necessary!

Tomorrow it is back to work for me, and Tim will take his turn in staying home with little Ms. Anna. Maybe she will get to eat in the den again :) She has been practicing her "pathetic" look!

In Christ,
Charity

Rollercoaster Ride

2008-10-21T04:46:00.000-07:00

Life, and especially adoption, specifically international adoption, is defnitely a roller coaster ride. But, once on the ride, you just assume you are on it until the end. There really is no stopping. Fortunately, I am strapped in... secure in the arms of my Savior. Fully equipped for the ride. And boy what a ride it has been. We have been on the downward slope for awhile, so around the corner must be the hill. I guess you can look at that two ways... yes, there is the hill, which means we are going up, however, you have to climb it. I guess it's time to prepare to climb!

I'm home with my Anna Clare today. She started to run a fever at school yesterday, so Tim went and picked her up from school. Today it is my turn. I think Anna wants Tim back, because he allowed her to break all of the house rules... like eating in the den. When I asked him why, he said "She just looked so pathetic". Apparently eating in the den makes one look less pathetic :) No eating in the den today for Ms. Anna!!! Here is a picture of my baby doll (prior to the onset of illness). I'm praying she does not have the flu... her fever is indicitavely high though - when the Tylenol / Motrin is out of her system, she is at just about 104. We have been there before, and it was the flu. We'll see though.

So... news on the adoption. Well, after receiving our amended I171H, we thought we were home free. Not the case. We ran into a road block with our paperwork from our CPA, we ended up having to tell him to give us our money back - which thankfully he did, because he did NOTHING for us, and we had to begin our search again for another CPA. That lasted until yesterday. Hopefully, I think we have found one. Tim will be in contact with him today to see if we can get all of our documents in order. While we have been waiting for all of these documents, our fingerprints started to get dangerously close to expiration. So, we contacted USCIS and we have a new fingerprint appointment on the 29th. I'll be SHOCKED if my fingerprints or my record associated with my fingerprints has changed since last year! I know, it is a formality, and one that I have to follow. There are just so many dates and papers waiting to expire that I'm not sure I have the strength to follow it all anymore. It has been an uphill climb since the beginning! Hopefully this fingerprint appointment will be our last hurdle! Ok, I DO have the strength to continue, I'm just feeling overwhelmed and discouraged.

On another subject, I have decided to be the proud ower of a VERY expensive dog! I have made the decision, finally, to get a guide dog. It has been a long time in coming, and I feel as though now is the appropriate time. My application has been sent in, and I will likely be attending Leader Dogs for the Blind in Rochester, Michigan (http://www.leaderdog.org/ ). Some will be very surprised by the decision I have made. Some people will be shocked to find out that I even have a vision impairment. Some will wonder if I can see at all, why do I even have a dog? Well, I can tell you one thing, they don't just give these dogs out as pets. When all is said and done, it costs the school about $60,000 to place a dog with a new owner. I'm actually the perfect candidate for a guide dog. I am legally blind, but still retain some sight. I can function normally (like I said, many people do not even know I have an issue), but I feel very uncomfortable in situations where the lighting is poor, and in very crowded settings, because I have such a small visual field. So, as hard of a decision as it was for me, because of a couple of recent incidents, I have decided to take the plunge. I guess the reason I have hesitated taking this step, is because I CAN still get away with people not knowing anything about my condition. With a dog, that possibility is gone. I have to get over some of my own personal fears - fears that people will think I am less capable if they know, or that they will try to "assist" me, or even feel bad for me. I'm still me, I will just be me with a dog. A rather EXPENSIVE, well trained, fully accepted everywhere dog :). I am actually really looking forward to the comfort that will come with having the assistance of the dog, the friendship, the opportunity to educate others and the freedom that comes with a new set of eyes walking beside me. The good helps me overcome what I perceive to be the negative.

Here is the real dread though... I have to go to the school for a month. I am blessed that I found a school in Rochester, Michigan though - which is where I attended college and had my first job. It will be nice to be in a familiar setting. I looked into many schools, and with only about a dozen in the US, there were none close to SC. So, lucky for me, there was a school in the only other place I have ever lived... Michigan. It will be bittersweet going back. I will miss my family though. That will be very difficult for me. But... it has to happen, and now is a good a time as any. The final pieces of paperwork go to the school today, and then I will find out when I will be able to attend. Thankfully I work for an extremely supportive boss and for a great company. They will give me the time to attend without even thinking about it. Not only that, but they will likely think about me while I am gone. I am blessed with regard to my work. My church friends and family will take care of my husband and children while I am away. Tim can surely manage on his own, but it is good to know that they are there to back him up, just in case. You never know what can happen and it is always good to have support.

Well, I guess that is enough information shared for now. Keep our family in your prayers and please pray that Anna does not have the flu!!!

In Christian love,

Charity

Finally....

2008-09-30T17:11:00.000-07:00

Finally some positive news to share regarding the progression of our paperwork.... not a huge step mind you, but a step none the less. Today we finally received our approved I171H changed from Vietnam to Kyrgyzstan. I was so thrilled! I was in Switzerland last week on business and figured the document would come then. I made Tim promise to NOT open any document from Homeland Security until I got home. Never fear, nothing to worry about, because it didn't come.

Well, this week, Tim is away on business. I came home from work today and went to the mailbox, and there it was. I didn't even contemplate it. I ripped into it and read it immediately. I could only do this because I know my husband well and knew he would not care. Plus before he left, I went over every scenario with him and told him exactly what would happen. He was fine with it. His response was "Why wouldn't I want you to open it?" Ok, I'm not sure. I know there is no logic behind me personally wanting to open the envelope, no more than the logic behind me personally wanting to remove it from the mailbox. It doesn't change anything no matter who opens it... unless it is someone other than me :)

So, now we begin again. We will need to send all of our paperwork to our agency for review and then we will get it state certified. I just desperately want it out of our hands, and now we are one step closer to having that happen!

Well, now that I got the good news out of the way... the kids and I are just vegging tonight. With Tim gone, we decided to just take it easy, kick back with an easy dinner and relax. I thought I was going to be able to relax anyway, until we went over Cameron's homework for tonight and realized that we had to study for two tests tomorrow, Science and History. Now science, I can handle. I'm a Chemist, science is in my blood. But history???? Where is Tim when you need him? History comes easy for him and he actually enjoys it. Me, I say what is in the past should be left in the past and I should not be forced to recall it. I know, I know... I'm a horrible example to my children. Well, my children don't read this, and even if they did, I would just tell them that my lack of interest in History is just one of my many faults! Even with my disdain for History, we managed to get through the study questions for his test. So now, I guess it is time to Veg!!!

I hope everyone has a wonderful evening! Wish me luck with regards to getting all of our paperwork in order, and please, please, please pray for a smooth review process with the agency and that we did not miss anything along the way!

In Christ,
Charity

The party

2008-09-20T13:38:00.000-07:00

Today was the day for Anna's birthday party. The day started bright and early with sports pictures for Cameron and Anna at 10:00 - on seperate fields. Cameron and I went with Mason and Hamilton to the football field and Tim took Anna to soccer. Pictures happened at 10 and both had games at 11:00. Cameron scored two touchdowns and his team won the game! Anna's team won as well, but Anna scored no goals (even though right when I got home she reported to me that she scored 10 goals!!!). Tim confirmed that the actual number was ZERO.

Grandma and Denis (my mom and her husband) and Mamaw (Tim's mom) met me at the football fiend to watch Cameron's game. (I guess it's a bit more exciting than 4 year old soccer.) It was nice to have them there. After the game we headed home for the festivities. I made baked ziti and my mom brought bread and salad. It ended up really nice. Then we brought out the cake. Here is Anna's beautiful birthday cake!

Anna had an absolutely wonderful birthday! One more picture of the little princess....

Happy Birthday Anna Clare AiYi Roach

2008-09-17T14:14:00.000-07:00

My baby turned five yesterday! It was a very sad day. Not because it was Anna's birthday, but because it just didn't turn out the way I wanted for it to....

Let's see... the day started with Anna acting a little strange in the morning. She jumped right out of bed and told everyone she was five and then she had absoluetly no energy. Usually Anna will eat a TON in the morning. She can easily consume a waffle, yogurt and milk in the morning and still ask for more. She played with her yogurt yesterday and ate next to nothing. She laid her head on the table and just wanted to "be".

We ran to the bakery, where I had carefully planned arrival at 7:00 AM (right when they opened), so we could get the best pick of cake squares for Anna to take to her class. Well, it was Tuesday and the bakery is closed on Monday, so they had NO cake squares. There went all of my time management. We then had to run to the grocery store and take less than desireable grocery store bakery cup cakes. It ended up that it didn't matter, because at 11:00 I got a call from the school that Anna had a 101 plus fever.

I looked at this interruption in my work day as a wonderful opportunity to spend Anna's fifth birthday with her! It was kind of nice. We came home and I made her lunch and we snuggled on the couch all day. It was a great treat for me to sit and snuggle with her, because Anna is NOT a snuggler! She never has been. The only time she snuggles is when she has a fever. So, I took advantage of it!

The other wonderful thing that happened, if a virus got into our computer. It wiped out everything, and I mean everything!!! Thanks to my husband, some functionality has been returned to the computer, but everything that we had on the computer was gone. All of our pictures, all of our everything was gone! It kills me, but what can you do? Anyway, the reason I didn't get to post on Ms. Anna's birthday is because our computer was out of whack!

We are having an actual birthday party for Anna this weekend. I'll have pictures of my little Anna then!

On the adoption front, our home study has finally gone from SC DSS to USCIS. Our social worker called USCIS and they said that they did not have a big backlog of home studies, so our I171H should be able to be approved quickly. We have been waiting to get this amended I171H for quite some time. Hopefully it will happen this week. My husband always jokes that everything will happen when I am gone... well, guess what??? I leave for Switzerland on Tuesday next week, so he will probably get to get it out of the mail, which will drive me CRAZY. I seriously would cancel my trip to stay home and get that document, if I could. I'm not sure work would understand my obsession with an Immigration document though... not enough to forfeit the cost of my trip to Switzerland! I used to love to travel.....I really don't anymore. I would rather be home with my family (and my mail!!!) I'm sure those of you who are waiting or have waited for what seems like forever for one document completely understand how I feel!

Well, I will have more from Anna's birthday on Saturday!

In Christ,
Charity

Soccer and Football Saturday

2008-09-13T12:13:00.000-07:00

Today we kicked off Soccer season in Florence. Anna started soccer this year and is playing in the under six league. She is turning five on Tuesday, so she falls right in the middle of the age range, but she is one of the smallest kids on her team. She only had one practice before the big Jamboree today, so we were not sure how she was going to do. We had reason to worry... she got out on the field and refused to practice anything before the game. She just stood there like she never saw the ball before in her life! But then she decided to kick the ball - we acted as though she did something marvelous, and she perked up real quick with the praise. At that point I think she realized that she had an audience, because after that she not only played, but even "show-boated" a bit.

After soccer we had to run across town to school / church for football. Cameron scored another touch down today, but they ended up losing the game. Oh well, it teaches him good sportsmanship - you can't win them all. (In this picture, Cameron is the one carrying the ball)

When we got home, Anna had a suprise in the mail from Aunt Anita and her family. She loves getting mail and found a card in the mail for her for her birthday. Aunt Anita, Uncle Robb and the boys (Calvin, Brandon and Blake) sent her a princess flashing card (which she LOVED) and some cash. We are getting her a doll house for her birthday, so maybe she can buy furniture for one of the rooms with it! Anyway, we called Aunt Anita so she could say "thank you". With all of the business in our lives, we don't make the time much to pick up the phone to say hello. After Anna talked with her for a bit (and talked to the boys, and whoever else she could get to talk to her on the phone), I spent some time talking with my sister. It's been awhile and it was good talking to her. I wish we all lived closer, but God has our places for us, and we need to just better keep in touch!

Ok, one more picture. (or tw0) Here is one of Cameron and Anna right before the start of Anna's game.

On the adoption front... nothing new to share unfortunately. We are STILL waiting for our amended I171H from USCIS. While we are waiting, I'm starting to worry about expiring fingerprints and our I171H in general expiring. Our fingerprints expire sometime in November and our I171H in February. When we started this process for Vietnam over a year ago, we never thought we would have to worry about expiring documents. I guess we never thought we would be adopting from a different country other than Vietnam then either. Kyrgyzstan must be where our daughter is, that is all I can think right now. She is there, we are here, and we will wait however long it takes, however much money it takes, and however many expired forms we need to have redone, to bring her home.

Maybe next week we will hear something from USCIS......

In Christ,

Charity

A Bug's Life

2008-09-07T11:07:00.000-07:00

Ok, if you have been following my posts, you will know that my son had this "bug project" that he could not wait to complete. We have been collecting bugs for the past couple of weeks and I am amazed at what resides with us here in Florence, South Carolina. Never had a clue that I lived and worked near Rhino Beetles. I have seen pictures of them and they can get HUGE!!! We found a small one (big to me, small per rino standard) and it completely grossed me out. We found cicadas which are another big, gross bug. There were so many of them.... anyway, the collecting process is over. We finished the project this weekend. They had to be creative, and my son came up with a brilliant idea. The end product was actually pretty neat! Cameron is a Clemson fan. So.... we set up the teams - Clemson vs. Carolina. Clemson got the huge cicada, the rhino beetle, the wasp, the spider wasp, the grasshopper - all of the fast, huge, stinging stuff. Carolina got the mosquito, the boxelder bug, the dirt beetle, things like that. It was kind of humerous as he decided which team each bug would go on. Anyway, the project is over and I thought we would share it....

True to form, Anna wanted a picture up of her as well. So, here she is!

On the adoption front, there is not a whole lot going on... we are waiting, waiting, waiting. We are currently waiting for our amended I171H, approving us to adopt from Kyrgyzstan. We were previously approved for Vietnam, but had to have it changed to Kyrgyzstan. So, once we get that, which hopefully will be soon, we will send out dossier in and the whole process will finally be out of our hands! I can't wait for that day!

Please pray we get our amended I171H soon! I'm very anxious!

Charity

Football

2008-08-24T14:37:00.000-07:00

With the start of school, comes the start of football season. Cameron started football this year. Since he is only in 4th grade, they don't actually play tackle football, but they do play flag football. He is playing with the Upward team at our church. He had his first game Saturday morning. He did really well. He is a pretty small kid, but he can RUN!!! He scored two of the three touchdowns and assisted on the third one. I was really proud of him.

Mason and Hamilton (my stepsons) were there to cheer him on, as was his sister. Anna was dying to be one of the actual cheerleaders, but that will have to wait until next year. Anyway, I got a picture of her in the stands with Mason and Hamilton. Also an action shot of Cameron! We'll see how he does with this, but he seems to be really enjoying it. He thinks maybe he'll try out for "B" team football next year. That is actual tackle football though, and I'm not sure how much he will enjoy that! (I'm also not sure how much I will enjoy that!)

I thought would share how I am passing my time this summer as we wait for Kyra. Tim and I built this awesome flower bed in our front yard. We took down 4 huge trees and put this flower bed in, instead. We put pavers all around the entire thing and then at one end we have a raised part where we put in a small pond/fountain. It ended up really pretty. Anyway, I have been trying my hand at growing flowers, and actually I have been pretty successful. The pictures of the kids on the first day of school are from some canas I grew from just one leaf a couple of months ago, and now they are as big as Cameron. Anyway, here's one of the flowes that I love the most.

I'll share some more of my flowers later! It's been a healthy hobby for me. It keeps me busy, I love watching them grow, the kids help me.... and as an added bonus, it makes the front yard look awesome!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Sunday!

In Christ,
Charity

P.S. Please pray our paper work somehow gets on the fast train rather than the slow boat it seems to be on right now! We are waiting for documents we thought we would have by now.

School Daze

2008-08-19T16:48:00.000-07:00

Well, today was the big day!!! Last night we had orientation at Cameron and Anna's school, Florence Christian School, and today was their first official day! Anna started 4K and Cameron started 4th Grade! I was amazed as I was listening to Anna's teacher last night, that Anna will be learning all of her letters and blend sounds. She also will be learning how to indicate short and long vowel sounds. She will learn to recognize words (early reading) and will be doing a multitude of other things. All in the first nine weeks!!! I was very impressed!

Cameron came out of his classroom orientation and happily exclaimed that he needed to start on his "bug project" right away! (I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but Cameron is a bit of an over achiever :) He told me I would have to help him find bugs and then we would have to catch them (no dead bugs for this project, they need to be caught alive) and then we need to place them in the freezer - seems to me to be a terrible death for a little bug - and then when they are good and dead, we will tack them to a board. I looked at Tim and smiled. He now knows that this will be HIS project to complete with Cameron. I call it a Step-Father / Step-Son bonding project. I also call it "my way out"! Bugs creep me out.

I'll insert some first day of school pictures here:

Nothing much new on the adoption front. Tim and I met with the CPA today. We should have our financial statement finalized this week. Tim went yesterday and I go tomorrow to get our feedback from the Psychologist - thankfully neither of us are crazy. We were finger printed for our FBI clearance on Monday. I think the only thing we are waiting on is my certified divorce decree from Michigan and then our revised immigration paperwork (country change for our I171-H). I pray all of that comes soon and we can move past this gathering stage and into the "waiting" stage. I'm about to go crazy looking at documents, making sure everything is just right, and explaining to professionals "I know it does not make sense, and yes, you COULD do it another way, but please, trust me. it will not work another way! This in INTERNATIONAL ADOPTION!!! Please fill out this EXACT form and sign it this EXACT way and have it notarized by someone whose notary will not expire anytime in the next 100 years!!!" Completely unreasonable to them (as they are professional, highly degreed individuals). Completely REASONABLE to me (only a normally degreed, adoptive mom). I don't care what degree you have, when it comes to international adoption, the "Mommy degree" overrules anything and everything!

As you can see, I've gotten a bit of my humor back and my gloom is gone for right now, but stop back tomorrow, it may have returned! Happy 1st day back to school everyone!!!

PS - my girlfriend Monica and her husband Lloyd just had a little baby boy this past Friday. He is a sweet little thing. Congrats!!!

In Christ!
Charity

Discouraging Day

2008-08-16T07:25:00.001-07:00

As you can all hear, I was able to get music up onto my blog. Thanks to Monica :) She told me all I needed to know to put music onto my blog. I have room for 88 more songs on my play list - and I'm about addicted to listening to songs, adding them, changing them all around. I think learning this music thing was not such a good thing. I had planned on cleaning the house this morning, but I'm stuck playing with the blog. Oh well.... Tim ran into work this morning to try to get a few things done with no one there. Cameron is off at a birthday party, and Anna and I are here - HOME ALONE!!! Like I said, my plan was to clean, but oh well, things happen! Anyway, thank you Monica for telling me exactly how to get music on here (worked the first time) and keeping me from cleaning the house!!!

Today is a bit of a discouraging day. I'm not sure why. I guess things don't bother me much when I am at work or busy with the kids. But today is kind of a down day. A thinking day. That's not good for me right now. I was thinking today that I can't believe where we are in this adoption process. I'm sitting here again waiting for documents to come in, for my home study to be sent to USCIS for our change of country, for our medical exams to be complete and notarized, and we did ALL of this over a year ago! We had planned on having our daughter home from Viet Nam by now, and here we are a year later and no closer to getting a child than we were this time a year ago. No little girl, new country.... God is sovereign though and HIS timing is perfect. He knows where our daughter is and when we will get her. I will wait on him. Waiting can be tough though. Maybe one day God will just whisper in my ear and tell me the day that we will bring our daughter home. That would be so much easier for me. I would rather know a date even two years from now, than wonder when it will be. But, I guess that is not God's plan either. He is working on that patience thing with me. With how frustrating this is to me, I can't believe we are going to do it again! Yes, I told you before that after this adoption, I have one more in me. I have Tim convinced of that too! He even talks about it on his own now :) I don't have to say we are going to do it and have him nod in agreement. He actually tells people of our next one. Our next adoption will either be a boy or we will not specify - maybe leave it up to God. I think a boy though. Then we will have two boys and two girls at home with us full time! I guess I'm getting ahead of myself though as I need to finish what is already started - the process for Kyra!

I hope everyone has a blessed day! Any words of encouragement would be appreciated!

In Christ,

Charity

Walking by faith not by sight.

2008-08-07T15:35:00.000-07:00

Those of you who do not know me personally, do not know my story. I've said it before that I have a story to tell, and this post is just a small part of it... but it is a big part and a start to the rest of the story. For those of you who do not know, I am legally blind. I have a rare, degenerative eye condition called Retinitis Pigmentosa or RP. It has left me with very little eye sight, but has also been the thing that God has used to bring me to Him and to keep me IN him. While I am legally blind, I am fully functioning. Not having my sight has never stopped me. I have about 8 degrees of vision left (compared to the normal 180 degrees that most people have) but I work a full time job and raise two children (soon to be three) full time and step children routinely. I work for a pharmaceutical company where I am the manager for two departments (I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me). Most would not know of my limitations other than the fact that I can not drive a vehicle. I have not driven a car in almost 9 years :( I hate it, but that's how it has to be. Anyway, I wrote this one day and thought I would share it.... it is the beginning of my story...enjoy

2 Cor 5:7 For we walk by faith, not by sight.

Is your walk with the Lord by sight, or by faith? Do you need verification above and beyond the Word of God? I’ve learned to walk by faith. That was a difficult lesson for me, especially as a scientist. In the scientific realm, nothing is proven by faith. If something can not be measured by physical properties, then it simply does not exist. It takes a “leap of faith” to walk by faith.

I am legally blind, so I see much less than the rest of the world. Just because I do not see it, does not mean that it is not there. I just have to look another direction. Someday, I will see nothing but darkness. Or will I? Physically, I may end up living in a dark world, but spiritually there is always that light in me. The light of the Holy Spirit. My goal is to develop such a relationship with the Holy Spirit, that it is no longer a light, a simple candle in me, but a four alarm fire. I will GLOW with the light of the Holy Spirit. Now granted, I have a long way to go, but that is my goal. When people see me, they will not feel sorry for me for not being able to see, they will wonder what I have that they do not have. They will wonder how I can walk with such confidence in darkness. God has blessed me! I have it easier than most. I will always walk by faith and not by sight. I won’t have a choice. I won’t have much sight to rely on. Putting your life in the hands of God is walking by faith. Trusting in Him, for everything that sustains you is walking by faith. Rejecting sin and living the truth is walking by faith. Witnessing to others is truly walking by faith. I work in the regulatory field, so when people say “trust me”, I say “Trust but verify”. Walking in faith is trusting without needing to verify. With or without sight, you can walk by faith, and not by sight. Ironically, my lack of sight is what taught me to walk by faith. I would hate for everyone to have to learn the lesson the way I have, but that is what it took for me. I am blessed! I walk in faith and not by sight.

Do you walk by faith, or by sight? When life is difficult, do you know God is in control? When you feel like you HAVE to sin, do you know that God will provide a way that does not require sin? Have you placed your faith in the fact that God gave His Son to provide a way for you to Him? Have you placed your faith in your eternal salvation in Christ? Close your eyes, listen to His Word and walk in faith. It is AMAZING!!! You may not want to open your eyes again.

Anna Clare

2008-08-03T10:38:00.001-07:00

Anna was feeling a bit left out, because she was not at the concert, and therefore had no pictures to put on the blog. So, the good mom that I am, I put some pictures of her up as well. Here is our little princess....

SCC concert review!!!

2008-08-02T17:47:00.000-07:00

Ok, so we went to the SCC concert last night, and all I can say is that it was awesome!!! SCC is as great live as he is on his CDs. He has an amazing voice. And no.... In case you were wondering in great suspense, I DID NOT get called up on stage to sing with Mr. Chapman. I will have to save that dream for yet another concert :)

Another big bummer of the night was when I read all of the rules for the Biltmore concert....blah, blah, blah no cameras, blah no video, no nothing apparently. Well, since I'm a big "rule follower" I did not bring my camera (I did however bring my cell). I didn't want to get up to the concert area and have a camera and have them tell me I could not bring it, and then have nothing to do with it. So, I followed the rules! (with the exception of my cell having the ability to take pictures :). Well, apparently it was a rule that no one really meant to have followed. Even Mr. Steven Curtis Chapman gave the audience permission to turn their focus from him and focus their cameras on the sunset over the mountains. Well, there I was with no camera! Well, I did finally whip out my cell phone and snapped a few. Sorry they are all blurry and not all that great, but it's the best my cell could do!

SCC did an awesome performance. He spoke of Maria and the valley that his family is traveling through. He spoke of God and the promises He provides for us. Amazing. I'm not sure how this family does it! I think I was in tears the entire night! I won't say anything about the other two men (Tim and Cameron) who were there with me.....

Listening to SCC speak, I was in awe. This family who has gone through so much is still able to stand in front of thousands and proclaim the truth of the gospel. As we left, I began to wonder if something like that happened within my own family, if I could be so sure. Would I stand firm in the truth of the bible, or would Satan take hold and make me question. Would I know that my child was in the arms of Jesus, in his/her eternal home and that I would see them again? When I asked Tim about it, and he turned the question on me, I said I would like to say that I believe that. Deep down to the core of me, but if it were to happen to my family, I really wonder. I wonder if I would be so strong or have such faith. I pray that I never have to find out.

If you have never been to a concert at Biltmore (which I had not until last night) it is stunning. God created a picture last night over the mountains. The sun set with SCC singing. It was extremely moving.

Cameron loved the concert. We are thinking about going to the Michael W. Smith / SCC concert in Myrtle Beach, and Cameron wants to go again! I'm glad he enjoyed it so much. I told him that I called and requested "Dive" for Cameron. They sing it every Sunday in Bible Zone. We got to the end of the concert and they had not played it. Guess what the very last song was.... I think I had Cameron convinced that it was for him :)

We had an awesome time. Enjoy the fuzzy, phone pictures! There are a couple of me/Cameron as well. Cameron in his water element as well. Oh, the picture of the bamboo was from Biltmore grounds. I just thought it was cool! A bamboo forest! It was gorgeous!

For anyone who has not heard SCC in concert... I highly recommend it!

SCC in Asheville

2008-08-01T05:28:00.000-07:00

Tonight we head to the Steven Curtis Chapman concert! We are taking Cameron with us, and this is his very first concert! I have been looking forward to this concert for quite some time. I have always been a fan of SCC and love his music. I have two dreams in life..... 1. Sing with SCC (yeah, right... but maybe someday I can at least meet him) and 2. Sing the national anthem at a Detroit Red Wings Game (I'm originally from Michigan and a HUGE Red Wings Fan). Anyway, back to SCC - I have admired this family after the loss of their little girl, Maria. They have been a wonderful example of the love, mercy and grace of God. This is a true family of faith! I can't imagine any other way they are being carried through this valley, than by the Father. I wonder if I would have the same faith. My daughter is the same age (within months) of their little girl Maria. I'm not sure I would be such a shining example to others if something were to happen to my little girl. My faith may not be so strong. Somthing to think about and work on I guess.

I'm sure I will have plenty to share tomorrow when we return from the concert. We are heading out early and getting a hotel in Asheville. Cameron is a fish out of water so we got a hotel with a pool so he could have some fun swimming. Anna is having fun swimming as well! She is with Grandma at Myrtle Beach for the day. She should have a blast (plus Grandma and Denis spoil her rotten!). I'll post pictures of Cameron in his natural home (the water!) when we get back!

Love is Patient - Charity is not

2008-07-31T17:44:00.000-07:00

As you read this blog (and as I pass time), you will learn a lot about me and my family. You will learn about our faith and about our lives. I've shared with some that I have a story to tell. A story about God and faith and how He leads me and our family. It will take me some time to tell that story, but it will pass time for me, and some might actually find it interesting :) This is the start of the story.... I enjoy writing. When I write, it is inspired usually by something going on in my life. Some time ago I started writing my own personal "devotions" based on Bible verses and my life. Here is one I would like to share... maybe I will share some others as well. Again, this is just the start of the story.

1 Corinthians 13:4: Love is patient.

Sometimes when I am reading my bible, and need a little encouragement, I go to 1 Cor 13 – the “love” chapter. It is encouraging and convicting all at the same time. Many translations read “Charity is patient…..”. As a child, since my name is Charity, I always liked the verse “And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three, but the greatest of these is charity”. Ok, so it didn’t mean me personally – although I had two sisters and I told everyone their names were Faith and Hope – which made me the greatest of us three… but I digress J

The fact that my name is Charity, is about the only commonality I have with the “charity” of the bible. “charity” is patient. “Charity”, is not! I’ve proclaimed before, not prideful mind you, that I am not a patient person. It’s something I am working diligently on, since I don’t want the Lord to have to teach me a lesson with regard to it. There are certain areas in my life in which I am patient (which shows that I have the ability to be patient), but there are areas in my life where I am not. What did Christ’s patient love look like?

Christ spent 33 years walking the earth and teaching about the love of God. 33 years! That is a long time. Christ did not have to come to earth as a babe – which necessitated growing up. He could have just “poof” – shown up! Instead, because it was God’s will, He came as a baby. His true patience (or long suffering) came at the cross though. 6 hours. Have you ever ridden on a plane for six hours? It’s terrible and you feel like it is never going to end. Have you ever had the stomach flu for six hours? It’s miserable and you feel like you will NEVER get through it. Try hanging on a cross for six hours – after being beaten, scourged and forced to carry your own cross to the place you would be hung on it. Christ had pure patience and pure love. His love showed through his patience. It took suffering, agony, pain and humiliation to save us and that is what Christ did. He could have been nailed to the cross and just died right then – or even gotten off of the cross. Literally, He could have just jumped down and said “ok, enough is enough – I’m done. You are not worth it”. It was well within His power, but that was not Christ and that would not meet the requirements set forth by His Father. It would not bear the burden of the sins of the world. So, Christ stayed there – painfully hanging on a wooden cross with nails in his hands and feet. Six hours…. Tick-tock, tick-tock for 360 minutes, for 21,600 seconds. That is a LONG time. That is patience. That is not even mentioning the 33 years that He waited to get to that point, knowing that time would come. Why not just get it taken care of right away? Come to earth as a man, and get it over with? Why? Because Christ knew that was not God’s plan. Christ knew He had to suffer. Christ knew he had to live as a man, with the same temptations as man, but to live His life to the cross without sin. That is how He would become the Lamb – by living as a man, without sin. He would then suffer and bear the burdens of the sin of the world. That would take time. That would take agony, suffering and excruciating pain – physical pain and emotional pain of the separation from His Father. Christ had so much power at His disposal, yet He did not use it. He endured what He was sent here to endure.

Ridicule, temptation, lies, persecution, death at the hands of those He came to save. As unworthy as we are, He loved us enough to demonstrate His patience, so we could learn how to have patience with others, though the power of the Holy Spirit and through His Word. Christ was patient, because His concern was not with himself, but with us. Impatient people, like myself, are concerned about one thing, or we would not be impatient – we are concerned about self. We focus on how we are impacted by not having our immediate desires met.

We are fortunate not to be the perfect, sacrificial Lamb that was sent by God to save the world from sin. We do not have to suffer the same sentence that Christ did. But during His time on earth, not only did Christ save us from our sin, but He set an example for us – to patiently demonstrate love to others. Can you demonstrate love to others through patience? It’s made a bit easier if you take yourself out of the equation. Focus on others and you immediately become more patient. Impatience comes from selfish desires for personal benefit or gain. Forget about it and focus on others. The love you demonstrate toward others will multiply. You will be a new, more patient person through the power of the Holy Spirit and the example of our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ.

How can you demonstrate patience today with someone you have difficulty showing patience to? Can you examine your motives for your lack of patience? It will likely show a focus on self. Patience means denying self for the benefit of others. How can you change one area of your life today to demonstrate to someone else, the patient love that Christ has shown you?

Our Story....

2008-07-28T12:35:00.000-07:00

We are Tim and Charity Roach. We live in Florence, South Carolina. Together we have five children. Tim has three boys from his previous marriage (Mason, Hamilton and Jackson) and I have one son from my previous marriage (Cameron) and a daughter I adopted from China (Anna). The kids range in age from 14 to 5 years old.

Tim and I married in 2006 and are now in the process of adopting a little girl from Kyrgyzstan. Tim adopted Anna shortly after we were married. We can not wait to bring our daughter and sister home!

Our adoption journey has been a long one. We began this process over a year ago with an attempt to adopt from Vietnam. We were logged into Vietnam in September of 2007... due to some issues with our agency, we were unable to receive a referral and were facing shut down of the country. We decided to move our process to Kyrgyzstan, and now although a year later and plenty of money wasted, we are happily waiting for our daughter from Kyrgyzstan. We are almost complete with our dossier and then we will truly be "waiting".

I'm looking forward to sharing our story, our thoughts, our ups and downs with those interested in adoption from Kyrgyzstan!